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“I, um... I came here to...” I can’t quite find the right words. Which I have to say, doesn’t happen to me often.
“You came here to what?” She sneers. “To take a look at your handiwork? To gloat in the fact that you played me? That I was stupid enough to actually let you hurt me?” She holds her arms out, the bags swaying as she does. “Well, take a good look, asshole.”
Before I can say a single word, she shoves past me. Seconds later, she’s inside her dorm, attempting to slam the door shut in my face.
“Rory, wait...” I manage to catch it before it latches, but instead of letting it swing back open, she presses her weight into it, trying to force it shut.
“Go the fuck away, Archer. I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to hear you. I don’t even want to know you.”
“I fucked up, okay? I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” She lets go of the door so quickly that I stumble, nearly falling face-first inside her room.
Quickly recovering, I straighten, keeping my foot slightly extended in case she tries to slam the door again.
“I’m sorry,” I repeat.
“And what exactly are you sorry for, Archer?” She grimaces like it physically pains her to say my name. “For leading me on? For playing me? For using me for some sick game? Or for making me watch you stick your tongue down another girl’s throat because you were too pussy to end it like a man?”
“I know what I did was wrong. I know I fucked up. I just—”
“You just what?” She doesn’t shy away or try to hide the flush of her cheeks like she normally would. Then again, this isn’t the soft blush I would normally invoke. No, this is pure and unfiltered anger and she wants me to see it. She wants me to know what I did. As if I don’t already know. As if I can’t feel the loss of her everywhere.
“I panicked,” I admit, my voice rising. “I panicked and I’m sorry.”
“You panicked?” She snorts without humor. “You panicked to the point that you found a woman, brought her to a place you knew I’d be, and then proceeded to make out with her right in front of me. And you expect me to believe this bullshit?”
I didn’t realize how ridiculous it actually was until hearing her repeat it back to me just now. I knew it was stupid. But it’s not like I planned it in advance. I woke up, realized I was in love with her, and flight mode instantly set in. I was just walking around campus, trying to figure out my next move when Heather approached.
I don’t even remember walking to Rory’s building. But once we were there, I decided not to waste the opportunity. It was a dick move and immature as hell. I never said I was proud of it. People do crazy things when they feel like their back is against the wall.
“I know how it sounds.”
“Do you?” She barks out a humorless laugh. “Look, I’m not interested in clearing your conscious. So if you’re about finished.” She attempts to close the door a second time, but because of the placement of my foot, it bounces right back open. “Move your foot.” She grips the door tightly and I half expect her to purposely slam it on my foot in an attempt to hurt me.
“Not until you let me say what I came here to say.”
“You’re sorry. Fine. I heard you. Now please leave.”
“Rory, please.”
“I said leave, Archer.” Unshed tears fill her eyes. “You’ve done enough damage. Now go brag to your buddies and leave me be.”
“I wasn’t playing a game.” I force the door open wider, stepping into her space. “Do you want to know the reason I panicked? The reason I went to such ridiculous lengths to push you away?” My hands are on her face now, forcing her to look at me. “Because I realized that I’m in love with you. I’ve never felt this way before and it scares the shit out of me, but there it is. I love you, Rory. I’m in love with you.”
I want to kiss her so badly I can already taste her sweetness on my lips, but I don’t move a single inch, letting her process my words.
I can see the indecision in her eyes, the telltale sign that she wants to give in. And I also know the instant she decides not to. Her expression growing hard.
“You don’t love me.” She pulls my hands from her face, pushing me back into the hallway. “You don’t treat people you love the way you treated me. I fell for your bullshit once. I won’t do it a second time. So hear me loud and clear. I don’t ever want to see you again.”
When she shuts the door this time, I don’t try to stop her.
I knew I had fucked up, but I thought it was forgivable behavior. That was my first mistake. But if she thinks that one rebuttal is going to deter me, then she doesn’t know just how relentless I can be when I really want something. And she is something I want more than anything else.
Sure, I should have realized this sooner. But hey, they say hindsight is twenty-twenty for a reason. And fuck if I’m not seeing things better than I ever have before.
She might think I’m done, but let’s be real, I’m only getting started.
