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“It doesn’t have to be goodbye,” he says, his voice shaking like it took everything in him to say that. “We can see each other again.”
God, my fucking heart. He’s killing me.
I smile sadly, stroking his perfect face. “You’re gonna make me a promise, okay?” I say loudly, ensuring he can hear me. “And then I’ll make you one in return. How’s that sound?”
His neck strains with a hard swallow, and he nods.
“I want you to take these last two weeks to become the strongest, best version of you, okay?”
His eyes redden impossibly more, tears and raindrops clinging to his thick black lashes. He nods jerkily.
“Dr. Maddock said she knows someone who can help you get out of the conservatorship, right?” I say, blinking rapidly against the rain, remembering what he told me last week. He was so excited, so fucking determined, when he shared with me how he learned that, with the backing of his therapists here, and some legal help from someone outside his parents’ circle, he might have a way out.
He nods. “Y-yeah.”
“Good. Do whatever it takes. Remember who you are.” I press a hand to his chest, over his heart. “You arenota liability. You’re not fucking broken. They failedyou,not the other way around. Got it?”
He blinks hard and fast, nodding.
“Promise me, Skyler. Promise me you won’t let anything or anyone stop you. They have no ground to stand on here, and you know this. Youknowthis,” I say fiercely, shaking him.
His face bunches and he nods.
It kills me, knowing I can’t stick around to help him with this battle. I mean, I could, but that would mean choosing him over Abby—Abby,my daughter, my flesh and blood, who so sweetly begged me to come home.
Jesus fucking Christ, I hate this.
Closing my eyes, I pinch the bridge of my nose.
I can’t do this. I can’t just leave him, not knowing if he’ll be okay.
Who’s going to hold him when it gets too loud? Who’s going to still his fingers when he’s feeling stressed? Who’s—
“Nolan, it’s okay,” Skyler says just loud enough to be heard over the rain, cutting into my spiraling thoughts. “I know.”
My hand drops, and I peel my eyes open to find him staring back at me knowingly.
He shakes his head. “Don’t…don’t even worry about all that.” His gaze sears into mine, and I see what he’s really saying.Don’t worry about me.
As if that’s fucking possible.
Still, the fact he’s reassuring me says a lot. For someone who claims to struggle with reading a room, he sure knows how to fucking read me.
“Promise me, Skyler,” I say roughly. “That I don’t have to worry about you.”
He tenses, and I bite my tongue, holding my breath. Images of cliffs and water and him lifeless on the surf flash behind my eyes.
Dark eyes lift to mine, breaking up the ripples of water in my head, and he nods. “I promise.”
My chest expands, rising with my inhale and I nod.
“I’ll be okay,” he says softly, but forcefully. “I don’t…feel that way anymore. Seriously. Youneedto go home to your kid. That’s what matters. I’m just…” He searches my eyes, before diverting his gaze to some point on my chest, like he can’t bring himself to look at me with his next words. “It’s not just me, right?” he rushes out thickly. “You…you feel this too.”Not a question.
I still, unsure what to say. To any of that.
I know what Ishouldsay—I know that I should lie, for his sake, but something stops me.
I can’t do that to him.
