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I can’t outright lie.
But I also can’t give him false hope that this could go anywhere. He’d never try to move on if that’s the case. He’d never let this go, and I…God,I need him to let go.
I need him to move on.
He deserves so much more than I have to offer, and one day he’ll see that.
Wetting my lips, I search his face—his perfect, gorgeous face with those pretty lashes and full lips and high cheekbones. And I tell him, “Someday, you’re going to look back on this moment, and it won’t hurt so much.”
Something flickers in his gaze, his brow knitting.
“You’re gonna meet someone, someone kind and far less jaded than me, someone who’s probably closer to your own age…” I chuckle wetly, and he starts shaking his head.
I nod strongly. “And that man, whoever he may be… well, he’s gonna blow what you’re feeling right now out of the water.”
“Nolan…” he chokes out, his voice barely audible. Yet it slices me open all the same.
“You will,” I say definitively. “Ipromiseyou will.”
He stills, his eyes widening in realization.
I’m so sorry, sweetheart. But this was always going to be goodbye.
“I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but your life is just beginning, Skyler,” I say forcefully. “It feels like the end of the world, but this—this”—I wave a hand around—“is a beginning. Not an ending for you. Not a last stop.
“You said it yourself. It’s a stepping stone. We are but a blip in time, and one day, you’ll look back on this and understand why it has to be this way.”
A tear spills over his lashes, and I reach up, palming his cheek, catching it with my thumb. More fall, faster than I can keep up, mingling with the rain.
“Fuck,” I choke out, bowing my head to his. “You beautiful, beautiful boy. You’re gonna break so many damn hearts, I just know it.”
I would know, seeing as mine is shattering as I speak.
“Because you’re not going to settle for the first one who hands theirs over. You’re not going to settle for just any guy who does the bare minimum of what you should’ve gotten all along.”
A sob crawls up from his chest and I wrap an arm around him, holding him. He’s shaking, and I know it has very little to do with the rain.
“Someone is going to come along and love you, storms and all.”
Fingers bite into my shoulders.
“And you don’t accept anything less than that. If they can’t love you at your worst, then they sure as fuck don’t deserve you at your best. Clichéd, I know, but it’s true. People like that don’t deserve a single, damn thought of yours.”
He leans back, forcing me to pull away from his head.
“And if I don’t? If it’s only ever you?”
I smile sadly. “I promise you, it won’t be.”
His face bunches, and I know that look. He’s angry, frustrated, and a small part of me dies right here and now knowing I’m acting no better than the people who’ve come before me—his parents, teachers, therapists—all the assholes who never listened to him, never took him seriously…
Iknowthis.
And it kills me.
But I won't take it back.
Because I’m not doing this for me, or because I don’t want to be with him.
