AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“No, I suppose it’s not. Sorry, got a little self-conscious there for a second.” Her nose wrinkles and she looks away.
“Mel, it wasn’t like that,” I whisper. “I didn’t…seek this out. I didn’t expect it to happen. It had nothing to do with you, and I know how that sounds, but it just…it happened. I don’t know why, but it did. Sometimes it feels like it was all a fever dream, to be honest, and maybe…maybe that’s how it should remain.”
Nodding, she hums. A short, humorless laugh escapes her, and she cracks a small grin. “That’s how it always goes, isn’t it? Hits us over the head when we least expect it.”
Remembering how she and Vance met—in a fender bender of all things—I guess I can see what she means. But Vance is our age. He’s single and childless and is successful. There’s nothing…forbidden or taboo to their relationship.
“So, eighteen, I’m guessing?” she says not unkindly.
Sucking in my cheek, I nod. Then tip a hand to the side. “Well, twenty-one now.”
Her eyes brighten. “Well, she can drink now, so that’s something.” Her eyes widen, and she slaps a hand to her mouth. Shaking her head, the apologies practically pour from her blue eyes.
Laughing roughly, I shake my head, and pull her in for a hug. “You’re fine.”
“Ugh, you’d think as I get older, I’d learn not to put my foot in my mouth.”
“Mel, there’s nothing wrong with other people drinking.” Grabbing her shoulders, I push her back, holding her in front of me. “There’s just something wrong when people likemedrink.”
Twisting her lips together, she nods.
Ever since what happened, she’s been far more cognizant about my relationship with alcohol, insofar as she won’t even keep a bottle of cooking sherry in the house, much less wine. And she loves wine. I know a part of it is because she’s afraid I’ll drink it. She admitted as much when I pointed it out.
But she also insisted it’s partially on her too. We were married, and she didn’t respect my sobriety. Not as much as she should have. I tried to tell her that my recovery—and my relapse—are on me and me alone, but she just shook her head, not having any of it.
“I didn’t make you drink. But I was selfish. I didn’t even think about how difficult that could’ve been, being around it. Seeing me drink and have fun… I didn’t think how lonely that must’ve felt.”
So ever since then, she doesn’t touch a drop of alcohol in front of me.
Hell, we’re so close right now, I can smell the mint from her toothpaste mixed with coffee on her breath, telling me she either brushed her teeth before waking me up, or hell, swigged mouthwash in the car.
And as much as I’ve told myself throughout the years that I didn’t need anyone to cater to my problems, treat me differently, you name it…I realize now how wrong I was. It’s not a problem—it’s a disease. At some point, it was no longer a choice for me.
Mel sees that now, just as I do, thanks to my relapse and time at Black Diamond.
We see how wrong we went about my recovery the first time.
Because it’s not justmyrecovery.
It’s hers too and everyone else who wants an active role in my life.
That’s what a support system is.
It reminds me of something Skyler once said to me. We were lying in bed, naked, having just had sex, and talking about how lonely and isolating it is sometimes. How it feels like no one understands, not truly. Not when it’s contrary to their own wants and needs.
“Your addiction and my storms…people always want a quick fix—they want to make it go away, even if it means ignoring it. All because they don’t want to have to feel bad about not wanting anything to do with it. It’s about them, not about us. And we can take it or leave it.”
I shake my head. Such wise words coming from someone so young.
And there you go again… doing exactly what you promised him you wouldn’t do.
But he’s not here anymore…
Wincing, I turn away, and grab my keys from the counter.
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay the night?”
“I’m sure,” I tell Mel, casting a look over my shoulder as I head toward the foyer.
