AllFreeNovel
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He’s tense still, but I can tell it’s more so because he’s just bracing himself at this point. And fuck, if that doesn’t shatter a bit of my resolve. If only because I can’t help but remember how free and loose he was when we were in the cave that morning. No sign of this tension he seems to carry with himself at all times.
Something I didn’t look too closely at until now…
Frowning, I say, “I’ve never wanted that with a man before.”
He’s utterly motionless, save for a couple rapid blinks.
“I just…” I search his face, running my teeth over my lip as I debate my next words. “I’m also very newly divorced. Hell, I haven’t been single since I was in high school, and that was over a decade ago.” A beat passes, before I go on, “So I’m confused, for one. This is all just…a lot to come to terms with. Okay? Your age is a big factor here, yes, probably the biggest, but it’s a bunch of other things too.” I pause meaningfully. “We’re in rehab, Skyler. I know you don’t need to be here, but I…I do.”
He gives his head a little shake, his lips parting, closing, then parting again like he’s struggling to find his words. “You…you really wanted it? Withme?”His voice cracks the slightest bit, and fuck, I don’t know what it says about me, but I’m pretty sure the mushy feeling in my chest is not normal.
I don’t get mushy. Ever.
But here I am, ready to sink to my knees and melt into the earth for this boy.
“Jesus, Sky,” I say quietly, shaking my head. “I told you I did.”
And I still do. Desperately. That’s the problem.
“And you…” His gaze searches mine, wariness mingling with hope peering back at me.Fuck, he really might just kill me yet.“You liked it? Like…I did okay? And I—”
On the outside I’m fighting a smile, but inside I’m pretty sure my heart is failing.
Lie. Tell him you hated it. Tell him you never want to do it again.
But that’s not at all what comes out.
“Yeah,” I breathe, “you did good.”
His eyes light up, and fuck if his lips don’t rise into the most breathtaking smile I’ve ever seen.
I sigh. “Look—”
“I’m sorry I kicked sand at you,” he blurts, his cheeks turning a rich ruddy color, eyes rounding as if just remembering what happened.
I curve a brow at him, waiting.
He winces. “And slapped you.”
I stare at him.
“Twice.”
More staring.
He massages the back of his neck with his free hand. “So, I, uh, sometimes get really in my head about things. And then I just sort of…I kind of explode. I don’t really know how else to describe it, other than this…this buzzing itch I can’t ignore. I’ve gotten better over the years but…”
He huffs and looks away.
I study him, more curious now than anything.
“I know I act like a child when I get like that. It’s…embarrassing, and definitely doesn’t help my case here, but—”
I shake my head. “I shouldn’t’ve said that.”
He’s young, yes, but he’s not a damn toddler having a fit because I said no to cookies for breakfast. He clearly has something else going on under the surface—something he struggles with.
“But it’s true,” he refutes softly. Sad brown eyes glimmer up at me, and while there’s a lot of shame to be found in their depths, there’s also something else too. A mature sort of…understanding. Sincerity. “I know how I get sometimes, and I…I wish I had better control of it, but—”
