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Hepulls a silly face and shrugs, then flinches at the pull on his arm. “That’sso fucking–sorry,freaking–cool.”Tuckingthe jacket back around himself, he studies me with open awe. “Butyou’re exactly like a real guy.”
“Iam a real guy,”Isay, buttoning up my shirt again. “Soare you, if that’s what you want.Wejust have to put in more work than some people.”
Frowninginto space, he deflates a little. “Thenurse didn’t think so.Shewas mad at me.”
“Iknow.”Isit on the edge of the bed and work on unwrapping the cookie. “Thatwasn’t your fault.It’sscary when people notice us, andIalways end up hiding instead of standing up for myself.”Thecookie drops crumbs on his jeans asIoffer it to him. “Beckbrought this for you.Hesaid it makes bones heal extra fast.”
Calvinscoffs, rolling his eyes at me, but it doesn’t stop him from hungrily snatching the cookie. “DoesBeckknow that you’re…Thatyou were–”
“ThatI’mtransgender?”
Henods sheepishly, nibbling at the corner of the cookie like he can’t help himself, even in the middle of a serious conversation.
“Beckknows everything about me.Healways has.”
“Andhe still wants to be your friend?”
“Ofcourse.”Ireach over and brush back his uncut mop of hair. “He’sactually my boyfriend.”
Hestops eating abruptly, eyes wide with shock. “Youcan have a boyfriend?”Aftera long hesitation, he drops his voice and stares at his lap.Somethingtells me he’s thought about this a long time. “Iwant to have a girlfriend someday, but that’s not possible, right?”
Whythe hell doesBeckalways have to be right about everything?Ifelt likeIhad nothing to offer, but hereIam.
“Youcan have any kind of partner you want; you just have to keep looking and not settle until you find the person who loves you for everything you are.”Okay, nowIjust sound like a self-help book.Calvinlooks a little overwhelmed as he returns to the last of his cookie.
Fortunately, footsteps approach the curtain and a certain tall blond flings it aside.Thekid’s face brightens asBeckruffles his hair. “Ifinally found you.There’sone grumpy fucking nurse out there.”
Ijump up and grab the paperwork off the tray. “I’lltell you later.Canyou sign this and take it up to the desk?”Ifhe hears what happened, we’ll have a crime scene on our hands.
“Hospitalscost a lot, right?”Calvinmurmurs, eyeing the papers. “Wecan’t pay for it.”
“Whatare they gonna do to us?”Beckcomments cheerfully as he signs all the pages without reading them. “Forecloseon our couch?”
Theboy giggles. “Totally.”Everytime he’s aroundBeckhe squares his shoulders, tries to make his voice gruffer, and picks up on his mannerisms.Neitherof them are aware of it, and it’s fucking adorable.
Myjacket is big enough to button all the way aroundCalvinwith his arm still inside.OnceItug it into place, he hops off the bed and follows me toward the door whileBeckheads for the front desk.Whenwe get into the hall, he sees his nurse at her station and stops abruptly, taking a step back and flinching deeper into my coat.Hiseyes meet mine, pleading for us to find another way out.
“Here.”Catchingthe back of his neck,Isteer him past the woman as her eyes burn a hole in the side of my head.Everythingfeels surreal as the bright, cold interior gives way to velvety-warm darkness and the sound of traffic.SomedaysIlook at my trans body, everything it is and isn’t, andIdon’t know what it’s for.Whatit even means.Today, it’s for walking between this kid and the things he’s afraid of, his fist gripping the back of my shirt like a lifeline, and that’s more than enough for me.
17
BECK
Afterwe trek backthrough the dark, echoey parking garage to whereIleft theCivic,DallasbucklesCalvininto the passenger seat.Onhis way to the back, he hooks his arms around my waist and steals a quick hug.WhenIrest my cheek on the top of his head, he sighs deeply and presses closer.Somethinghappened in thatER, butIknow he’ll tell me when he’s ready.Ikiss his neck, and he glances up at me with that startled smile, like he never expects to be loved.I’mgonna fucking change that, even if it takes me fifty years.
Iput my phone onCalvin’sknee, so he can figure out which dinerTheo’sworking at and start the navigation.Thepledge drive on the radio is boring as hell, butI’mtoo deep in my head to notice.Dallasfalls asleep with his head tipped sideways and his mouth open, whileCalvinsits perfectly still, picking at the edge of his cast.
Finally,Iglance over at him. “Yougonna tell me what happened to you?”
Hestiffens and lifts his head slowly, his eyes fixed on the road.Ican smell guilt pouring off him. “Ifell down.”
“Where?”
“WhileTheoworks at the diner, the convenience store across the parking lot lets me clean and organize stuff for a few bucks in cash.”Hefinishes the sentence decisively, like he’s answered my question, and concentrates on watching headlights rush by.
So…”Ipurse my lips, eyeing the back of his head. “Youfell down while you were cleaning a convenience store.”
“Yep.”
