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Ipull into the parking lot of theBlackBearDiner, butIdon’t turn the car off.Theocan wait untilI’mdone. “Youmust be really clumsy.”
“I’mnot!”Hissmall body bristles with indignation. “Thewire on the fence was bent; you would have fallen too.”Floppingback in his seat, he glares at his sneakers.Ican’t tell if he’s more pissed at me or himself.
“Iget it.Ihate when they put a fence in the middle of the convenience storeI’mtrying to clean.”
Histhin jaw tightens, and he rubs his tired eyes roughly with his good hand. “Shutup.”
“Lookat me.”Thepoor kid bites his lip to stop it from quivering as his pale brown eyes find mine. “Doyou want to keep playing games with me, little dude?IpromiseI’mgonna win eventually.”
Aftera long, tense silence, he shoves the car door open and scrambles out, rushing toward the diner.Dallasdoesn’t wake up, soIget out and watch over the roof of the car asCalvinstops halfway across the parking lot and stands there with his shoulders sagging.Ilet him stew for a minute, then go after him.Atthe scuff of my shoes on concrete, he turns around.Thewarm light from the diner windows catches the glisten of tears on his cheeks. “Ijust wanted to helpTheo,” he chokes out asIcrouch down in front of him. “HethinksIdon’t know, but sometimes he lets guys…do stuff to him for money, and it’s all my fault.Idon’t want him to do that anymore.”Shivering, he coughs out another snotty sob.WhenIspread my arms, he falls into the hug and sniffles against my shoulder.
“Okay, take it easy.”Irub his back as he fights to get himself under control. “Deepbreaths.Thentell me what you did for money.”
Hepulls back a little, so he can see my face. “Promiseyou won’t tellTheo?”
Blowingout a slow breath,Istudy him. “Ican’t promise that.ButIcan promise not to tell him tonight, andI’llhelp you figure out the best way to tell him.Deal?”Ispit on my palm and hold it out.
Hiseyes light up, and he enthusiastically hucks a ball of spit into his hand like it’s the most awesome thing he’s ever done.Sincehis right arm is broken, he has to reach across awkwardly with his left and plop our palms together.
Mylegs are cramping, butIfocus on staying still and not interrupting the wordsIworked so hard to get out of him.Hestarts slow, hesitating after every sentence, then speeds up into a rush. “Theseboys come into the store every day to get beer, and they ask me howI’mdoing and stuff.”Hisface lights up with the same prideIsee inDallas’ eyes when he gets treated like a man. “Todaythey saidIcould have fifty bucks ifIclimbed into the backyard of this house down the block.”
Thesickness doesn’t come all at once, but slowly as he keeps talking untilIfeel likeI’mgoing to hurl on the grimy asphalt.
“Ijust had to look and see if there were cameras, and take a picture of the lock on the back door.Iheard someone coming, soIpanicked and fell off the fence whenIwas climbing back over.Theguys told me it was okay and took me to the hospital.”Hestops, watching me with big, wary eyes.
Itdoesn’t start with pissing yourself on the floor in a puddle of your own blood.
It’sa pile of bikes, the smell of smoke, the endless longing for someone who would be good to me.Iwould have done anything.
Iglance over my shoulder, toward the shape ofDallassleeping in the car.Ineed him, becauseI’mabout to panic.Anotherpart of me wants him to stay asleep, so he never hearsCalvin’sstory.Ididn’t cause this, but shame lodges so deep in my throat thatIcan’t breathe.
“It’sokay,”Ifumble out whenIrealizeIneed to say something.There’sno point in telling him not to talk to those guys again.Whenyou’ve never been wanted, it’s too addicting. “Let’sget your brother, and we’ll talk about this later.”
Henods uneasily, trying to read my mind through my eyes. “Thanksfor not yelling at me.Theo’sgonna yell at me.”
Ichuckle humorlessly asIstand up. “Ithink he should yell at both of us.”
Beforewe can go looking, the door of the diner slams open andTheocomes running out with his apron gripped in one hand.I’veonly seen the guy once, andIforgot how thin and pale he looks. “Whatthe hell happened?Areyou alright?Whythe fuck did you go to the hospital without me?”Ifthis is pre-yelling,I’mscared to see the real deal.Hegrabs his brother’s shoulders, looking him up and down.
“I’msorry,”Calvinwhimpers.
Theothrows his arms around him and holds on tight, rocking slowly back and forth. “Iwas so scared,” he mumbles into the kid’s hair. “Ilove you.”
Ishift my weight and look away, trying to give them space, butTheoclears his throat to get my attention.He’shalf my weight, with dorky glasses, but there’s something savage about the fearless way he looks at us.Theguys who don’t know when to be afraid are the ones you need to stay away from. “I’msorry we’ve caused you trouble,” he says carefully. “I’mafraid we’ve missed the last bus.Couldwe impose on you for a ride back to the trailer?”
“Impose?”Hetalks even fancier thanDallas.Idon’t have to think hard to know what my friends would say. “Youguys should spend the night at our place.Getsome real sleep.”
“Idon’t–”Theostarts to shake his head, butCalvinbounces excitedly.
“Please, please?Theirhouse is so cool, and we can visitHobbes.Hemisses you.”
Theopulls a skeptical face at the last part, then shrugs wearily. “Iguess so.Thankyou.”
Dallaswakes up asCalvinclimbs in the front.Blinkingsleep out of his eyes, he watches cautiously asTheoslides in next to him. “Hi.”
Theman nods abruptly, not looking at anyone.Heseems like a total dick, but ifCalvin’stelling the truth, he might be selling his body to keep the kid safe and fed.Idon’t know what to make of him.
Ihave my fingers crossed thatCalvinwill fill the silence, but the kiddo falls asleep in two blocks.WhenIcheck the rearview mirror,Theois sitting too deep in the shadows for me to see his face.Noone says a word untilIpull up to the house and the three of us climb out.ScoutandRomeleft the back light on, andIcan see their silhouettes through the living room window, waiting.
