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ONE
Harrison
Thursday, December 17th
It must bebecause I’m turning fifty.
It has to.
Even I know this isn’t… normal for me.
My kids, the one thing in this lifetime that I’ve done right, look at me in horror. Two pairs of blue eyes identical to mine reflect confusion and outrage.
“I know this isn’t the best time to do this, I mean there’s never a right time to do something so radical.” So extreme. I run a hands through my hair roughly.
I just don’t see any other way.
“But why?” Iris cries, her hands go up to her head and she messes up her curls even more.
“Because I’m sick and tired of letting them dictate my life.” I try to keep my voice calm, but there’s no way I’m even close to successful. “They almost removed me as CEO when I got divorced and threatened to do soagainwhen you were born, and my affair came out. Now, after years of the PR department telling me to steer clear of relationships—which I did not because they told me to, but because I was better off alone and only wanted to focus on you guys—theyhappento change their minds months after I came out to the world as bisexual.Nowtheydowant me in a stable relationship so I look more like a ‘family man’ whatever the fuck that means. As if I haven’t been a family man for thirty fucking years.”
Theo clears his throat forcibly and Iris and I respond with identical eye rolls. “Fine,” I sigh. “Almost thirty years.”
“Thank you,” he replies primly, tilting his chin up.
I can’t help but smile at him. Even in my most turbulent times, my children can make me smile, and I don’t want to lose that. Ever.
“So yeah, I’m selling my shares of Crawford Inc. and stepping down as CEO. The board can scramble and do whatever they want after. I don’t care. All the properties are mine. Well, the primary ones, there aresomedevelopments we’re working on that I don’t own, but none of them are in Manhattan and I can change construction companies for my properties easily. I’m still the sole owner of the Kings so that won’t even enter the conversation… Crawford Building Equipment won’t be mine anymore, and that’ll hurt…” I trail off, not knowing what else to say.
Every Crawford man before me has started one more branch of Crawford Inc.. Some have been closed in its long history of course—and I didn’t add my own to the Crawford Inc. umbrella when I decided to buy the Kings, a football franchise—but Dad founded CBE and our excavators, tractors, drills, fucking industrial glue are everywhere in the world now. I don’t want to stop being the owner of what he built. What my grandfather, great grandfather and so on built.
But Jesus, I bet they never thought I’d be in this situation. Sadly I have no idea what they’d recommend. Not even Dad since he never wanted to pressure me into running the company and only agreed to take me on as an intern and start showing me the ropes once I graduated college… but then he died a few months before I could and a few days after I found out Theo was coming into my life.
The only thing Dad prepared me for was The Turris. He took me to my first meeting the day after I turned eighteen and talked to me constantly while I was away at college about how important it was for me too make sure balance was met. It was also the second secret Dad asked me to keep, and this one had to be kept from everyone but him. No other family members could know.
So no, I don’t think Dad ever thought I’d be in this particular position.
I sit on the ottoman on the opposite side of the coffee table and look at my children. Waiting for their reactions.
“So, I know I’m just a seventeen-year-oldgirl,” Iris says with as much attitude as she’s capable of—a lot—“but if I’m understanding this correctly, you’re about to sell the family company, the one that’s been owned and run by a Crawford for more than two hundred years because the board wants you to be in a relationship?”
The way a teenager can make you feel like the stupidest person on the planet really is a superpower. Only thanks to all my years in boardrooms do I manage to stare at her, unflinching, in response.
Yeah, I know it sounds ridiculous.I know, like I said, it’s radical, but I’m tired of this.
“Dad,” Theo whispers, getting my attention. “Why don’t you want to be in a relationship?” he asks timidly and looks scared and nervous. An all-too-common look on my perfect son’s face, sadly. My firstborn who, in my opinion, shouldn’t feel anything but pride, love, and happiness every day. It breaks my heart to see him so unsure, especially because I know it’s my fault.
People say the youngest or the girl is the one who wins the soft spot of the father, but my Iris will rule the world one day, I don’t worry for her nearly as much as I have for Theo. Mainly because she’s a badass who’s never shy and always defends herself. Of course, she has her vulnerable moments, but she gets herself through those and isn’t afraid to ask for help when she needs it.
Even after her attempted kidnapping—a situation I still haven’t gotten to the bottom of, but it’s being taken care of—the way she worked through that trauma leaves me speechless to this day. We’re all built differently, and Iris and Theo are the definition of nature vs. nurture.
Theo… I failed him. I left him in a situation where he wasn’t cared for and loved the way he was when Mary and I were married and living in the same house. It’s the deepest regret of my life. And he’s been paying for my mistake for too many years. I fucked around and Mary couldn’t stay married to me while I raised another woman’s child. I never loved her, I mean, I guess I did in some way because she gave me Theo, but I was never in love with her.
My selfless Theo, he suffered through so much while living with his maternal grandmother after the divorce. It took him years to trust me—after finding out I’d cheated on his mother—enough to tell me the way his grandmother was treating him, all the while thinking he was saving me from hurt.
Ignorance is bliss, and he somehow understood the truth of that statement before he even became a teenager.
I’m more scared of answering his question than he was of asking it. I don’t disclose everything to my children, I’ve even gone out of my way to keep some things from them, for their own safety, but I’ve never lied to him about this type of thing, and I don’t want to start now. The truth could hurt him deeply though, and that’s the last thing I want to do.
