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Me: I’ll keep that in mind. But if I need you, will you still be available for me to call?
Alessio’s face softens slightly at that.
Alessio: Of course. But one more question. Are you staying because you love him, or because you’re scared of taking a big risk?
Well, that’s blunt, isn’t it? I don’t answer right away. There is a whole lot to unpack with that question. Do I love Nico? That would be crazy. I mean, I’ve been here a short while, and yes I’ve seen him every day, and slept with him, but you can’t fall in love that fast. I may love to read, but real life isn’t a romance novel, and Nico is more villain than hero.
As for the second part, he’s right, I am scared to take any kind of step toward someone I don’t know. Sofia might vouch for them, but what do I even know about Sofia? God, this is all just a big jumbled mess. So I answer him as honestly as I can.
Me: I don’t know.
Alessio nods. “Then know that my offer is always open to you, Giulia. Say the word, and I’ll have you out of there so fast his head will spin.”
“What the fuck?” Nico snarls, clearly having lost his patience.
I can’t help the small smile that quirks my lips. “Thank you, I appreciate it.”
“Someone had better start talking,” Nico grinds out between clenched teeth.
“Cara, you really should reconsider,” Massimo suddenly says, a sly grin on his handsome face. “He seems like a bit of a grump and cranky too. Here, it is sunshine and nothing but good cheer all the time.”
Nico lets out a low growl, even as the other men start to chuckle. “I’ll keep that in mind,” I say, ignoring Nico when he mutters something under his breath.
“Well, now that that is settled, it seems we have some other things to discuss,” Pietro announces. “Cara mia, it is your choice if you wish to stay. I’m sure it is not a pleasant thing.”
“She’s staying right here,” Nico announces tightly. “She’ll probably just stand in the door and listen anyway.” I don’t deny that. He’ll probably read me the riot act later, but that’s fine. Perhaps this conversation will help me sort things out.
“Alright,” Pietro says briskly. “It seems, Signore Armani, that we have some things to sort out.”
“We do,” Nico replies.
As they launch into whatever they are trying to figure out, I tune them out and try to understand what the hell is wrong with me. Why the hell didn’t I say yes to Alessio? I mean, sure I don’t know him, but he was offering me something I’ve always wanted. And here I am, sitting in the lap of the man who kidnapped me and is holding me prisoner like I want to be here. God, I really have lost my mind.
Hell, I should want to go even if I don’t end up keeping my end of the bargain. I’d be out of America, in another country, living far away from my family and the assholes who work for them. I mean, I’ve always dreamed of traveling the world, getting to do the things I’ve been dreaming about since I was a child.
My family used to go on vacations and things all the time. Without me of course. My brothers would pitch a fit if my father even hinted that I could come along, and then my mother would make the point that I shouldn’t miss any schooling. So I was always left behind. And here I am, finally getting the chance and not taking it?
Maybe Alessio is right, and it’s fear holding me back. Fear of stepping into another bad situation since I can’t seem to get out of those. Stepping into another family dynamic where the women are nothing, and the men rule with iron fists and hard, pointed shoes. And in a country I might not be able to escape from.
I glance at Nico, who is paying attention to whatever is being said on the screen, but still, he hasn’t moved me, and every so often, like he seems to know my inner turmoil, he rubs my thigh with his hand soothingly. Would it really be so bad to stay with him? I mean, it’s not like I don’t know what I’m getting. But at the same time, is that all I’m going to get? Having to stay in this big house for the rest of my life and never going anywhere or getting to do anything. That’s not the life I want to live.
God, all of this is so exhausting. I settle into him and lean my head against his shoulder as my mind works overtime to sort it all. I hate not being sure of myself, and I hate that I’m letting a man make me question myself. Especially a man I should be wanting to get away from as soon as possible. I mean, he’s a mafia don, and if I stay here, I’m never getting out of this world.
You were never going to get out of it. You’re the daughter of a mafia don, and the ones who are offering you shelter are also in the mafia.
Damn it, I know it’s right, but is it wrong of me to wish I was someone else? That I could be someone other than Giulia De Luca and the bargaining chip for so many men. There are probably women who would love to be in my position right now, and have so many choices of men who want them, but not me. No, I know the reality of what happens to most of those women, and they’ll never recover from it. I may not have known any of them, but I used to hear my mother, and later Carmen, talking about them. Though, decidedly in different tones. My mother was at least sympathetic. Carmen was far more amused and considered it a right of passage that women need to go through. After all, look what it made her.
I suppose if I’m going to stay in the hands of someone in this world, I need to pick someone that I can live with at least somewhat happily. But is that Nico? Or am I fooling myself?
The image of the two of us in the pool flashes in my mind, our foreheads pressed together as we floated. And then the flash of his expression when he found out the whip marks on my back. The utter fury, the promise that no one would hurt me again. It makes my heart pound a little harder in my chest. Men don’t make those kinds of statements for nothing. Especially not in this world. Hell, my father would laugh at me for being a romantic sap. My brothers aren’t much better. I feel terrible for the women they end up marrying.
Would Nico do that? Force someone to marry him and have children just to keep his line going? Even as soon as that thought enters my mind, I reject it. No, Nico won’t do that. He’d never force his children to marry either. At least, I hope he wouldn’t. What do I know about him really, other than what I’ve seen since he brought me here? Sure, we’ve had conversations, but a lot of the time I’ve been here, I’ve been trying like hell to get away.
God, has it really only been a couple of days since I agreed to stop running? It feels like a hell of a lot longer. It’s more like months or years, and I don’t know if that is a bad sign or not. And I’ll admit that it hasn’t been all bad. I mean, I’ve had a nice big bedroom with a library, and Nico has started to let me move around the house freely. Does this mean that he’s also going to be letting me out of the house?
Or at least after the whole issue with my family is sorted out. I don’t want to give my family the chance to grab me, so I suppose it makes sense to stay hidden. But once that’s all sorted, I don’t want to be a prisoner anymore. I want to be able to walk down the street because I feel like it; go out to a restaurant; hell, just to go shopping or meet with some friends. Something I’ve never had, and it’s scary to think about trying to make friends, but I want it so badly. I want someone to talk to, someone to confide in, and someone I can support when they need it. But I can’t do that in my current position. Is Nico willing to give that to me? Am I willing to make sure that it happens by calling up the Caruso’s?
Would calling them even be smart since it appears by doing so that I would be agreeing to a marriage I don’t want? Hell, I don’t know if I want to be married at all. Would they be willing to help me without the promise of marriage to Alessio? God, this whole thing is a mess. I hate that I’m basically a pawn to all these men. A pawn they can trade and use however they please because I wasn’t born a man. It’s archaic, misogynistic, and yet still, it’s the hand I’ve been dealt.
