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But Jude is there before me. He has her.
He grabs her and turns her over so that her head is lying on his shoulder. He places a strong arm protectively across her chest in a lifeguard grip. Her nose is above water, and I see her take a few struggling breaths as Jude holds her, swimming quickly to the boat. She’s ok. She’s safe. I try to calm my breathing, but I can’t. I’m still swimming to her.
“Don’t move,” Jude is telling her in a voice I’ve never heard him use before. It’s gentle and careful, as if he’s protecting something precious. “Just float and I’ll do the rest, ok?”
Eden nods weakly against his shoulder and I freeze so suddenly I begin to sink. Water gets into my mouth as I watch him hold on to her, looking down at her with a look of pure concern on his face. He swims with her to the steps and grabs the railing, his arm roped with veins. He waves away the staff members who are waiting with towels ready and slings Eden up in his arms easily, as if she’s a doll.
I watch from the water as he sets her down on her feet on the deck and wraps her in a towel, his jaw brushing her wet curls.
“Look at me, En,” he says, and there is such gentleness in his voice my breath stops. “Let me see if you’re ok.”
Eden is shaking violently; I can see it from here. He places an arm around her shoulders protectively and she leans against him, putting all her weight on him. Trusting him. His lips land on her forehead, and linger there a second.
“I got you,” Jude says to her firmly, but there’s something hoarse and broken in his voice. “I won’t let anything happen to you. I’m here.”
I watch from the water as she turns her head around to look at him. He has her in his arms and they are so close that their noses brush. She leans in.
I can’t watch anymore.
I can’t watch them kiss.
I dive under, and under and under, and scream a curse into the freezing water until my lungs feel full of water.
And then I scream some more.
Out on the boat, somewhere above my head, I imagine Jude carrying Eden inside, out of view, kissing her, comforting her, and taking care of her like I want to be doing.
Someone should be, regardless of whether it’s me or not.
But it should have been me.
Dammit, it should have been me.
My lungs are screaming for air and I’ve probably swallowed more water than a hot tub can hold. Everything is burning.
I am underwater, but everything is on fire.
I should swim up for air, but the image of Eden turning her white, scared, wet face toward Jude’s naked shoulder keeps flashing before my eyes. I can’t breathe–well, duh, I must be twenty feet underwater by now.
Instead of swimming up, I swim down.
Isaiah’s phone
Isaiah:Hey, quick question.
James:What.
Isaiah:I need to murder one of my best friends.
James:And make it look like an accident?
Isaiah:And make it look like a murder.
James:You don’t have any best friends.
Isaiah:That was not the question.
James:So it’s Jude then.
