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“What are you asking me right now?” Eden whispers, lifting shaking fingers to press to her lips as if they are burning. “Right when we are about to…? Are you seriously asking me this?”
I close my eyes so hard they hurt. “I just… I need to know,” I tell her.
A sob interrupts me. I open my eyes to find her crying so hard she has a hard time breathing.
“Eden, no,” I whisper, scared.What have I done?“Eden…”
“Get out,” she says calmly, which is amazing, since she is crying at the same time.
“Come on,” I say, but barely a sound comes out.This can’t be happening.Not after all that happened last night between us. Not after… “Please, I just can’t stand the idea of you and Jude and… I just need a yes or a no.”
“Get. Out.” She’s got her old voice again. The no-nonsense voice she used to have when we were kids. “Now.” She’s staring me down. Her tears have stopped, shining on her cheeks, suspended there. “Leave,” she repeats.
I hung my head and run out the door. It clicks shut softly behind me. As I walk away, I hear steps running in the corridor. In a minute, Jude’s head peeks from the stairs; he’s followed by Lou. We picked up a lot of people after the club pre-tour party fiasco, and she was among them. I suddenly realize that Jude and Lou are both running towards Eden’s room. She must have texted them immediately, asked for help.
She went to them for help.
Help to save her from me.
I am someone she needs to be saved from.
I am not the one doing the saving. I am the monster.
The urge to bang my head against the wall until it bleeds—my head, but maybe the wall too—is overwhelming. Jude nods at me as we pass each other and I grab his sleeve, fighting for control. Fighting and losing. Jude’s gray eyes fly to my face, confused.
“Jude,” I whisper. I clear my throat. “Please, don’t… Don’t go to her room right now.” His eyebrows draw together. “I’m asking you.”
I’m begging you.
“What are you talking about?” Jude asks.
“Eden’s room,” I repeat, hating myself. His mouth falls open with sudden realization.
“You…” he almost coughs it out he’s so surprised. “You ask me this? Knowing what you did to her… After what you’ve done…. Howdareyou?”
I close my eyes and swallow. I sway a little on my feet.
“I know,” I tell him. “Even so, I’m asking.”
He looks at me helplessly, and then he lets out this harsh laugh that sounds like an accusation. He lifts his hands in the air.
“Fine,” he says. “You win. Whatever, Lou’s got this anyway.”
“Lou?” I nearly spit.
“Yeah, Lou. In case you haven’t noticed, Eden is kind of short on friends. I don’t count. And, judging from the text I received just now, you don’t either.”
I feel like I’m suffocating.What was in that text she sent him?
“I don’t want to be her friend,” I say under my breath, leaning my back against the wall. My head is spinning.
“Well, you sure as hell know how to make yourself her enemy,” Jude says.
He’s never spoken so harshly to me before—I’ve never heard him talk like that to anybody. And he’s not a sweet guy. My fans have nicknamed him ‘Hades’ because he looks all dark, tortured and about to do evil things to you. But I’ve never seen or heard him so angry, so brutal.
“I didn’t want to…” I choke. I don’t know how to explain six years’ worth of history between Eden and me to my best friend in the hallway of a hotel after we’ve all nearly been murdered by rabid fans. “I’d have been her friend, if I knew that she needed one. I’d have taken her any way I could.”
“You did your best to drive her away, Isaiah.” Jude shakes his head. “You know that, right? That…” he points to his phone, “was not a text about a guy who is trying to hold on to something.” I flinch. “I won’t go to her room right now, out of respect for you, but, man, if she texts me again, if she tells me she needs me again, I’m there in a second. Ok?”
