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She was paler than usual that hot day in May, and she didn’t run to meet me as she always did. I reached for her arm, greedily, easily, as I had done for the better part of the last two years, and immediately I sensed that something was wrong.
‘No,’ I said, as she turned her face away from me. ‘Tell me, whatever it is. Tell me.’
She shook her head and cold sweat drenched me. ‘I can’t,’ she kept repeating. ‘I can’t.’
‘Eden, look at me, come on. I’m having a heart attack here. What’s wrong, what happened? Are you ok?’ I was panting at this point. She wouldn’t allow me to touch her.
She looked at me then, and I wish she hadn’t. She didn’t look like herself. She was empty. Her eyes… there was no soul there. I can’t explain it any better. It was like she was gone already.
‘Remember when we talked about telling our families about each other?’ she asked.
I nodded. I had told everyone and their mom about her, but she always got tense whenever I mentioned going public with our relationship, and so I never mentioned her name. Not even to my mom. But I couldn’t shut up about her. Everyone I knew was mad at me for annoying them with stories about ‘my perfect, invisible girlfriend’. I didn’t care that they teased me. She wasn’t ready—she was too young.
I’d wait for years if she needed it. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was very young too, not to mention an idiot as well. Something’s always up when a girl won’t let you tell people about her and goes into a panic whenever you ask to walk her home. But I was too dumb and too much in love to question it.
‘Well, today,’ she continued, turning her back to me, long hair swishing as she walked away, ‘I finally told my dad about you.’ Her breath caught. ‘He… he said I can’t see you anymore. I can’t be with you.’
‘Wh-why?’ It took three efforts to get the word out. There were razorblades in my throat.
‘Because,’ she said, her back still to me. ‘I just trust him, Isaiah. If he says I can’t be with you, then I can’t. He knows what’s best for me. I’m so sorry. It’s breaking my heart.’
‘What about me?’ I said, trying to keep breathing. A fat tear splashed on my upper lip, quickly followed by another. I didn’t even notice the sobs interrupting my words. ‘Do you trust me? Do you… do you love me?’
She stayed silent. She didn’t cry. She just looked at the tree in front of he. The sun’s early rays bathed her hair giving it a reddish tint. ‘It’s his decision,’ she said. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘His decision? What about yours?’ Shock and grief was quickly giving way to pain and fury. This couldn’t be happening. Not out of the blue, like this. Not to us. Not to a girl like her, not to a guy like me. Not to two kids like us, who had made each other what we were.
‘I… I have to go.’
‘No!’ I shouted, panicking again. ‘Eden, please, please, Eden. Eden. Let’s talk about this, ok? Tell me what you want, we’ll work it out, I promise. Just say you want me, in spite of everything. That’s all that matters.’
I was grasping at straws, hardly knowing what I said. She started running away from me and I scrambled to catch up with her. I took her arm, forced her to stop and look at me. Her face… oh God, her face. It was drained of blood. Not a hint of color on her lips. That’s when I was really, truly scared. The only thing that popped on her face where those big brown eyes of hers, huge pools of honey, glassy, empty of feeling.
‘Eden,’ I said in a broken voice. My knees gave way, and I almost fell right there, on the leaves at her feet. ‘Eden. Tell me what to do to make this better. Don’t hurt, please. Please.’
‘He says,’ she said robotically, as if it had been rehearsed beforehand, ‘that I have to think about my future. I’m destined to take over his company, and I can’t… I can’t be with someone like you.’
Like me? Not rich, she meant. Not a millionaire like her dad. A musician, who would have to chase opportunities and fight to get a job, any job, so that I wouldn’t starve. But what did that matter? We were eighteen, and everything seemed possible. I had already been accepted to college, for chrissakes.
‘What doyouwant?’ I asked her.
Say you want me, I begged her silently. She did not say it.
She shivered and I reached for her, stumbling in my haste. She took a step back, nearly tripping over a root, but steadied herself.
‘Don’t touch me,’ she whispered. ‘Or I won’t be able to leave.’
‘Then don’t leave,’ I yelled, all the pain pouring out of me like a wave. ‘Don’t leave me here. Please, Eden. Please, my moon and stars. Stay here with me, and we’ll get through this. Didn’t we say we could do anything together? Please don’t go like that. Please don’t go where I can’t find you. I know your father is important to you, but he can’t make this decision for you. Don’t you see? You’re eighteen, for God’s sake.’
‘It’s my decision as well,’ she replied in that same, dead voice. ‘I agree with him.’
I stepped back. I wish she had slapped me instead; it would have hurt less.
‘You agree? I don’t accept that. You’re my girl. I know you. That’s not you in there. Eden, what’s happening? I’m losing my mind. Make this stop. Please. Please.’
I kept repeating it until all sound stopped coming out of my lips. I formed the words, still trying to reach her, to penetrate this wall that had suddenly, inexplicably risen between us. I didn’t realize I was running after her as she wove through the trees like an elf, disappearing fast, until my knees betrayed me, and I fell to the ground, shaking as if I had a fever.
…
