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“The tour starts in June,” Skye says carefully.
“Right. It will be easier that way. I won’t be alone with her, and we… We can write in-between the shows. Europe will inspire me or something.” Time. I just need to buy more time.
“Breathe, Isaiah,” Skye says, reaching out a hand to massage my shoulder. “Whatever you want. May it is. But…”
“But what?”
“But May is cutting it close. If you want to ride the wave of the tour… The wave is going to end after Europe. Australia, at most. The album will have to come out right at the end of it at the latest. Preferably, before that. It’s pretty tight.”
We are both silent for a second.
The word ‘impossible’ is floating between us. If I don’t get another album out by the time I’m done touring, it’s over. My career is a shooting star which is about to set if I don’t put out anything new. No matter how many adoring fans I have or how many sold-out stadiums I book, we both know the truth, Skye and I. It could all be over tomorrow.
It might as well be.
Except… I love it. I love writing songs and singing them. I love sharing them with the world. It’s the mess I’ve made of the rest of it I hate.
I remember how proud my mom’s texts sounded on Christmas Eve. How happy she was for me. I thought I would never do that, never make her proud, since I wasn’t able to go to college. But it did happen. I can’t let her down.
Not now that she needs me more than ever. It’s her turn to need me. And it’s my turn to earn whatever money she will need for her medication and care, if things get bad. Contrary to James and her, I don’t have my whole life in front of me to work and help support my family. The life of a pop star is barely a decade, if that. Ineedto ride this wave. Another one may not be coming.
It's a big part of why I put up with the craziness and the stalking and the management label. I could ditch them all tomorrow, and keep making my music and putting it out on the internet, just like I did when I started. But I need to make the big money now, so I can save it up for later, when my mom won’t be able to work.
When she will really need it.
“I know,” I tell Skye. My breath comes out in gasps. I won’t make it if I keep this up. I’ll have to go back to rehab and blow the tour—let alone any hope for a second album.Dammit dammit dammit. “Listen, I’ll do whatever it takes, ok? Just give me until May to… regroup.”
“Until May to regroup, he says,” Skye muses.
He straightens out a crumpled music sheet he grabs from next to his boot. It’s got Chopin written all over it from memory.
“Hm,” he says. He balls it up again and throws a perfect arch towards the grand piano. The paper-ball lands on the treble strings, causing a cacophony of chords.
“I’ll stay for the night, by the way,” Skye tells me, getting up with a quick, agile movement. He hits the gym at least twice a day. “Alert your staff, will you?”
“How long will you stay?” I ask, not alerting anybody. Who am I, the grand duke of Austria?
“Until I’ve fed you enough,” Skye says, leaning down to poke me between the ribs. His hands meet nothing but bone. Ouch. “Those cheekbones of yours are Asian all right,” he adds, regarding me thoughtfully, as if he hasn’t seen my face plastered all over Times Square fifty times its real size, “but there’s no need for them to cut glass. We need to put some meat on you, don’t we, boy?”
I fling a curse at him, and finally, I manage get to my feet. Every bone in my body aches, but it’s worth it, if only to get away from him.
The Elliot sisters chat room
Eden: Guys, thanks for the talk the other day. I can’t believe I ever survived life without you.
Eden: I hope I never have to again.
six
Skye leaves a week later, and immediately I go back to thinking about my pills.
And that’s so not good.
I won’t touch them again, not after all it took to wean me off them. I don’t care if it feels like they might help me focus and create. It’s a lie. I’m off them for good. But the urge is surfacing, and I hate that I have to fight it for the millionth time.
I’ve never been blocked before, of course, but that’s what a massive episode of post-traumatic flashback will do to you.
I try anything to find inspiration.
