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Her voice is wet with tears, heartbreakingly soft.
I tug at my hair and I hope I tear it all out. Does she even have to ask?
“That you cared, Eden. That you cared, dammit. Isn’t it obvious? That you were jealous or that you…”
“You just said that I’m not allowed to be jealous.”
“Well, are you?”
Now I am the one hiding. I don’t dare look at her. She is holding all of the power –she always did. But right now? It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I was supposed to be cold and cruel. And over her. And instead, I’m the idiot begging her to be jealous that I kissed a random girl.
How much lower can you sink?
Not much.
I’m waiting for her answer.
“Well, it depends,” she says eventually.
This girl, I swear. My head falls back in defeat.
“On what, Eden?”
She fixes her brown eyes on mine and I can’t look away. “On who you are,” she replies. “On who you have become.”
“I,” I reach for her hand and slowly take it. She lets me. I take a step until her back is on the wall, caging her between the wooden paneling and my body. I lean down over her. Her eyes don’t leave mine. I can feel her breath on my cheek. “I am the one who is in pain. Not you. You don’t get to be in pain. You’re not allowed to. Not when I’ve been in pain for four freaking years.”
“You really think you’re the only one?”
“Yes.”
“Well, it’s a lie.”
“Make me believe it.”
Down dips her head. I pushed her too hard.
“I hate this,” she murmurs in a second, tipping her face up to mine.
Her expression is open.
She looks like she is in so much pain it takes my breath away.
“Eden,” I exhale. “Please.”
Please make this stop.
“I need to get out of here.” She ducks her head under my arm, trying to escape me, and my breath catches.
No. Too soon. I need her to look at me again.
“Hey.” My fingers circle her wrist, stopping her. We’re trapped in this delicate dance between staying and leaving, between needing and wanting, between pain and pleasure. Between hating ourselves and hating each other.
“Louisa Grove is waiting for you,” she says. “And that other girl.”
I shake my head immediately. “Lou will be gone in the morning. I’m not that person. I’m not who I am when I’m with them.”
“What does that even mean?”
