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Faith: OMG! It’s TRUE?
Faith: En? What have you been hiding from us?
Eden: *user is offline*
Faith: Dammit, Eden.
Faith:I need to know, come oooon.
Manuela: Fee, delete that, right now. Before she sees it.
Faith: Fine, fine. But I’m really upset, I’ll have you know.
Manuela: Yeah, because God knows you’re the traumatized one.
Faith: Hey! I am traumatized too, I’ll have you know. We all are. What happened to her affected all of us. Me too. And you as well. You can pretend you’re ok all you like, but I see you are online the whole night every night, until 6 am. What’s up with that, big sis?
Manuela: Why are you awake at 5 and 6 to see that I am?
Faith: I can’t sleep. I keep… I keep waiting for something bad to happen to her again. I just wait until the sun is up, and then I feel that she’s safe for the day. Even though she’s in another time zone. Crazy, right?
Manuela: It’s not crazy. It’s the same with me.
Faith: Oh great. Here we are, in freaking Chicago, staying awake like a couple of morons, as if somehow that would help her. As if we can protect her this time. Save her. Meanwhile, she’s in Greece. With Issy freaking Woo.
Manuela: I know, babe. It makes zero sense.
Manuela: Hey, next time you’re awake and I am too, pm me, ok? Maybe you can come over and we can pretend to keep her safe together.
Faith: Ok.
Manuela: And if we can do nothing else for her, at least we can pray.
Faith: We sure can.
Manuela: Good. Now delete this whole conversation. Quick, before she sees it.
*messages deleted*
nineteen
I wake up and keep writing. I move to the piano, but no one comes near me; they know not to interrupt the flow. At some point, I realize we’re moving, and I find out that we’re sailing for Athens. My management gave the order.
I didn’t even know.
A feeling of complete powerlessness washes over me, even as I’m hunched over Spencer’s billion-dollar white piano that he must have bought just for me, composing one of the best songs I’ve ever written. I am the artist, I am the creator, I am the voice.
I am the music and the lyrics.
I am Issy Woo.
And yet… I make none of the decisions in my own life.
How is that ok? How did I let things go this far?
I need to do something, I need to change. But how?How?
It feels pretty freaking impossible right now.
