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So why didn’t I take all the money I’d saved up and just head back to the place that gave me a sense of rightness?Distance from Xavier, from the areas where memories cropped up would be healthiest, but would creating that same space away from JJ feel the same?
The idea of leaving, of truly never seeing the detective again didn’t settle well in my gut.I feared it almost as much as I did pulling down more bricks from my walls than he had in the one night we’d spent together.
“Remember that new client I had last weekend?”I asked.
“Friday night?”Micah kept tabs on everyone under the EE umbrella even if he didn’t directly manage them.
“Yeah—James Jenner.You know who he is?”I asked and swigged my beer to wet my suddenly parched throat.God, just the thought of the man made me thirsty as fuck.
“I’m not too involved in the gay branch these days,” Micah said, “but I’m all ears if something’s on your mind.”
The memory of JJ’s naked body stretched out beneath me flitted through my memory, tempting the blood to seep into my groin.“He’s the detective on Mason’s case.”
“No shit.”
“Yep.It wasn’t the first time we met though.He…uh, asked for me by name.”I wasn’t sure what else to say.It was where I always stalled out whenever I’d considered talking to someone about where my head was.
“You like him.”Micah didn’t ask a question.
“I don’t want to.”
“We can’t help instinctive attraction.”
I exhaled a heavy sigh and picked at my beer’s label.“Wish we could turn that shit off.”
“Why not dial it up higher.Hotter?See where it leads?”
“Yeah, right,” I said with a snort.“It worked for you with Jasmine, but you know my thoughts on relationships.”
“You can’t let your ex control your future, Kellen.You’re what, thirty-eight?You’ve got a lot of years left to live.Are you planning on being an escort until you’re past the silver fox stage?Not that I would mind you staying on forever.You’re one of the best escorts Elite has.Honestly, I never wanted to be tied down either—until I met Jasmine.She changed my world.”
He’d also fought like fuck to help her overcome some issues so they could be together.
That was what true love was.Sometimes choosing other’s needs above your own.Putting your partner first.Thinking of them in all things.
None of which Xavier had done for me.
He’d never loved me, I admitted to myself—not in the way I had with him, self-sacrificing in order for his life to be easier.Better.
“Take some time off, Kellen,” Micah ordered, his firm tone not allowing argument.“I know you aren’t hard up for cash, so a couple of weeks without a paycheck isn’t going to break you—nor will Elite suffer.”
“Thanks for making me feel needed,” I joked even though my chest was heavy.
“Figure out what your heart is trying to tell you,” Micah went on, ignoring me.“If you stay with us for a few more months or years, we’ll be happy to keep you onboard.If not, that’s fine too.I just want you to find the place where you feel you belong.And, I’m always here if you need to talk.”
“Thanks, man.I appreciate it.”
Micah clasped my shoulder and pushed off the couch.“Hey, asshole!”he hollered at his little brother.“I’ve been patient enough—give me my chair back.”
The two siblings tussled for a few seconds, making me think of how me and my brother Jacob had done the same as teenagers.
It had been months since I’d gotten home.Perhaps going to the farm would clear my head.I was scheduled at the vet clinic Wednesday and Thursday, so maybe I would head north for the weekend.The plan slid into place, and I made up my mind, happy to feel my insides settle somewhat.
On Tuesday, my plans were waylaid.
“Saturday?”I asked Mason, repeating what he’d said over the phone.I’d been sprawled on my couch staring blankly at the TV while replaying my evening with JJ when he’d called.
“Yeah,” Mason said, his voice soft and a little uncertain.“I…made an appointment to get a tattoo and could really use the company.”
