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Number one- I just saidthe guy I like.
Number two- I just admitted to knowing he cares for me.
The sound of their footsteps on the bottom steps pulls me from my thoughts. I’m thankful for it because I know my mind was about to spiral. We help her into the house. She requests to be in the living room. I guess she doesn’t want to be in her room tonight. That’s fine, we can binge movies and eat snacks. Total girls’ night.
We get her onto the sofa. I run upstairs to get her blankets and pillow, and as I’m about to make my way down the stairs, I stop, listening to the words floating up the stairs.
“She is hard to love, but she is worth it. I know you have feelings for her, I can tell.”
I hear him laugh quietly, and the sound fills me with warmth the same way a cup of coffee does on a cold day.
“Oh, I know she is probably hard in every way, but I also feel she’s worth it in every way, too. I can’t really explain it.”
“Explain what?” she asks.
“The way I feel. I have felt it since the first day I met her. There's a light around her, a magnetic pull that draws me to her. I can’t help it.”
“Oh my god, Kohen, you have to tell her.”
“Nah. If I could ask you for one thing, it’s let me tell her when I’m ready. She doesn’t seem very open or receptive to me. I don’t want to push her or scare her away.”
“I get that, and okay you have my word.”
“Get some rest. I’m sorry that the night went down this way, Cora.”
“It’s okay. I’m sorry for interrupting y’alls night.”
“No way, anyone that’s important to Alex must be amazing. Make sure Edward knows that, too.”
I hear his feet making their way to the front door, so I begin to descend the steps before he leaves.
“Kohen?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t give up on her, as hard as she gets, if she is giving you a hard time it’s because she is having a hard time and probably scared as fuck for another person to break her heart.”
“I don't plan on it, Cora. Goodnight.”
I hit the bottom step as he opens the front door. “Wait for me, Kohen. I’m just going to give her this and I’ll walk you to your car.”
He nods and I cover Cora with her blanket and toss the pillows at her face.
She giggles and tosses one back at me. I hop out of the way and it misses me. I stick my tongue out at her and she mirrors me. It’s like we never left kindergarten.
I come up behind Kohen on the porch and wrap my hands around his waist from the back. I feel him tense up, not knowing how to react to the vulnerable act. I don’t know why but it feels right and maybe it’s because he is looking away and can’t see me. I rest my head on his back, and even though my head only reaches the middle of his back, I close my eyes and listen to his heart. It comforts me. His hands come up to meet mine where they wrap around his abdomen, rubbing his fingers up and down my arms gently.
“Want me to walk you to your car?”
Say no, say no. Stay.
“Yeah, Angel. I’m exhausted.”
I want to ask him to stay but I don’t, and I won't. My brain won’t allow me to be that vulnerable.
He removes my hands from around him and the smallest sting of rejection hits me. Why am I like this? I’m confident, beautiful, and sexy, and guys always want me. What the fuck is it about this guy that makes me feel inadequate? Is it because he’s good?
He grabs my hand and holds it while we walk. I stare at the ground, hoping he doesn’t see the little bouts of insecurity growing from the seeds of doubt my mother buried in me. We don't say anything on the walk, the only noise coming from the crickets in the grass and the cool breeze making its way through the leaves in the trees around us.
