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The fucking nerve.
I don’t know who the fuck this Erica bitch thinks she is, but I am not a person she should be messing with. She might run shit in her world, but I run shit in mine. Kohen ismine.
“Umm no, this is Alex. Do you need something? I don't know why you’re calling him when he already made it clear he doesn’t want you.” It’s like her and Xzavien have psychic abilities and knew today would be the day to try and ruin us one more time. She laughs and I can’t help but be petty. “Anyway, he is getting dressed right now, would you like me to give him a message?”
“Sure, honey.” Her condescending voice irks me. “Tell him the love of his life called and it doesn’t matter who he buries himself into these days, I love him, and I’m end game.”
It's my turn to laugh. “You’re old news, bitch, hanging on the sidelines desperate for some dick. Keep begging for it, go ahead, embarrass yourself.” I hang up and turn my rage over to Kohen. Now he isn’t the only one who is pissed off.
“What?” he asks, anger and venom lacing his tone, triggering something deep inside me.
“What the fuck do you mean,what?Don’t fucking talk to me like that. That was your fucking ex-fiancé calling, claiming to be your endgame. Looks like I’m not the only one keeping secrets.”
He raises his voice again and my entire body is shaking in anger. I clench my jaw to keep my teeth from chattering. “Wow, well you’re right about one thing Alex, she is my ex, and I never gave her false hope or led her on unlike you.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I stand toe to toe with him, making sure he knows I’m not afraid. I will never give another man the satisfaction of my fear again. I feel my chest tightening and the fight or flight in my brain is pushing me to respond accordingly. Lights are flashing behind my eyes and sirens are going off inside my head, telling me I’m not safe and that I need to protect myself.
“It means yes- she is my ex, but you… You are currently in some fucked up little love triangle with me and X. I’ll tell you right now that I want no part of it.”
I gasp at his accusation. “I don't want him. I chose you, I want you, I love you. I was clear from day one it’s not my fault your friend can’t get a damn clue.”
A chuckle escapes him, and a tear escapes me. “Sure Alex. Look, I’m out. You want him, have him. I’m not doing this shit. I. don’t. Give. A shit.”
My body reacts faster than my brain and I just need to stop him from leaving. Desperation floods my senses and I shove him. “I want you, is that not clear? Nothing is going on with me and Xzavien.”
“Yeah right. I’m sure you probably fucked him downstairs before I fucked you upstairs.” Before I even know what's happening, I feel heat on my left hand from slapping him across the face. Islappedhim. Realization hits as the tears fall down my face. I slapped him, I slapped the only man who has ever treated me with an ounce of respect. His eyes are empty as he stares at me, a black void replacing the look of love that resided there less than an hour ago.
What the fuck did I do?
His voice is calm, like the steadiness of a heartbeat. “You just crossed a line. I cannot believe you just slapped me, I need to leave right now, I… I have to go.”
I’m frozen as he moves around the room calmly gathering the things he has laying around and stuffing them into his gym bag. I watch him go and my heart is screaming at me to follow him and apologize. Pushing me to be vulnerable, to own up and not let the best thing that has ever happened to me walk away. Though, my brain says,Protect yourself Alex, you don't love him. You aren’t really falling for him, and he definitely doesn’t care about you. Don't make yourself look pathetic. A desperate little girl, begging for love and attention. If you chase him, he has the power.
I feel torn. I have never felt this way before. The choice was always easy, it was always me, until Kohen.
I hear his shoes tap the wood as his feet rush down step after step. I throw caution to the wind and ignore every red flag in my brain telling me not to chase him. My brain keeps shouting at me to let him go, to stay in the safety of my room so I don't get hurt, my mind doesn’t want me to care. Only I do care, I care way too much. It scares the shit out of me, but I want this, I want him. I've never wanted anything in my life more than I want what we have.
I run down the stairs in my towel. Not caring that I’m not dressed, nothing else matters right now. I have to make this right, I cannot lose him. I hit the bottom step with a thud and lunge toward the front door, yanking it open. My heart sinks at the sight of him, his shoulders slouched in defeat, his head hanging in disappointment. “Kohen!” I shout. He pauses, looking over his right shoulder in my direction but then continues his walk. “Kohen, just listen for one second, please.”
The words sound all too familiar when they leave my lips. A flashback of my ex chasing me down and asking me the same thing after the first time he hit me.
“Look, I know I crossed a line, baby. I’m sorry. Just talk to me, please,” I beg, not caring how weak I look. He turns slowly to face me, his eyes red and heartbreak written all over his face. “I don't do this, Kohen. I have never chased anyone for anything. I push people away but I don't want to do that anymore…”
“Alex,” he interrupts, surrender in his tone.
“Wait, please. Don't say anything. I know I shouldn’t have slapped you, but I was triggered, and I panicked, I know it’s not an excuse, but I promise it won’t happen again.”
He runs his hands through his gorgeous hair.
“Please handsome, don't walk away. I don't want you to run and I refuse to let you go.”
A small smile graces his lips, but it doesn’t reach his eyes and something in me breaks.Idid this. I caused this beautiful man to look so broken. The words that leave his mouth rip my heart out of my chest.
“I wish this never happened, Alex, but it has, and I don't know if I have enough strength to withstand your storm anymore. I have worked so hard to become the man I am today so I need to leave, and you need to let me, because I love you and I would do anything for you.”
“Kohen,” I whisper, wiping tears from my cheeks angrily.
* * *
