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“You three be good for Uncle Lane. Understand?”
“Yes, daddy.” Three little voices assure me.
Luna bends over and gives each one another hug, another tickle and another kiss. when she stands, Lane wraps her in an equally crushing hug and whispers something in her ear. She nods and blinks back the moisture building in her eyes.
when they separate I pull Lane in for a hug of my own.
“Thank you,” I murmur. “For everything.”
He pulls back with a pat on the back and a smile. “Anytime. Especially if I can get carried to bed.”
“Oh god. Why?” I let my eyes roll to the ceiling and laugh.
Lane and Luna both laugh and the kids follow suit, not knowing why, but do it anyhow.
I take Luna’s hand and wave goodbye to them all and walk her out to the car.
The drive to the restaurant is short and quiet. Luna keeps her gaze focused on the world flashing by us, but she keeps her hand locked with mine the whole way. She’s contemplative. She’s nervous. She’s scared.
So am I.
She hadn’t talked much today. She came downstairs late morning after sleeping in and gave the kids sad smiles and hugs. They went on and on about their night then went back to playing.
She walked over to where I stood against the kitchen counter, cautiously. As she neared me, I set the coffee mug in my hand down. Her eyes were locked on mine and when she reached me, she slowly wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her face in my chest.
I felt my shirt grow damp and knew she was crying. I wiggled my arms under hers and circled her small waist with my hands and I lifted her up while her arms went around my neck. We held onto each other tightly, her feet dangling above the ground, and just existed.
She cried into my neck and I let my face fall into hers. No words were spoken but we conveyed every emotion with our bodies. We spoke to each other in a way that only two people who are one half of the other can.
After that moment in the kitchen, we tip-toed around one another for the rest of the day. Carrying on with household chores and tending to the kids. It was like we knew that a big conversation was going to happen this evening, so we had to save up all of our words for tonight.
We get seated at our table and a server quickly comes to take our drink orders. Once he leaves we sit looking at one another in silence. I reach my hand across the table and grab hers.
She swallows roughly and bites down on her trembling lip.
“Don’t, baby. Please don’t cry,” I beg.
She threads her fingers with mine and I feel her start to relax.
I scan the restaurant that is bustling with patrons. We sit in a booth tucked in a far corner and I couldn’t be happier to be away from the buzz of the main dining room.
I lean over the table and with my other hand, I rub my knuckles over her cheek.
“You are my world, Luna. Nothing will ever change that. I’m not angry at you, baby. It hurts, but I’m not upset with you. You were hurting and it was all because of me. I feel like I pushed you into this.”
“No Rom-“
“Yes, Luna. My actions caused this. You are not to blame for any of this.”
She opens her mouth to speak but the server returns with our drinks and a bread basket. We don’t look over the menu but order what we’ve had on past visits. Mainly to get the server to leave.
We watch him retreat to the kitchen and then turn back to our conversation.
“The past couple of years have been hard,” she says with despair in her voice. “That isn’t just on you. It takes two to make a marriage.”
“But the last year,” I interrupt, “the troubles are all because of…I’ve been on edge and absolutely racked with guilt. I’ve worked harder because it was so difficult to look at you. Witnessing how amazing you were, how you are, makes me feel like scum.”
A single tear tracks over her cheek and she shakes her head.
