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“We’ve hurt each other too much and I won’t live like this anymore. The kids and I will stay with my parents. We can discuss what comes next. I can file or you can. I don’t care.”
“File? What are you talking about?” He bolts upright and stares into my eyes.
“For divorce, Roman.”
“No. No no no no. We’re not divorcing. I’ll make it better. I promise. Don’t leave me,” he begs.
“You left me a long time ago. Maybe not physically but emotionally. And there’s nothing you can do to make this better. We’re irreparable.” It’s an admission to myself more so than a statement to him.
“That’s not true. We are. You’re the love of my life, Luna. I can’t live without you.” His crying grows harder and his words are mixed with tears and alcohol.
“You’re going to have to learn to,” I tell him.
“No,” his head moves from side to side rapidly and he wraps his arms around me. “I’ll change.”
“No you won’t. You've said that before and it’s only gotten worse.”
It is really and truly over. I thought that earlier tonight, my words were just empty threats. That we’d be angry for a few days but then go back to existing. In my heart, I didn’t really believe that tonight would be the end of my marriage.
“I don’t think you should drive home. You’ve had too much to drink. You can sleep on Dani’s couch and we’ll leave in the morning. My parents are bringing the kids home after lunch. We don’t have to tell them we’re separating but we need to figure out what to say about us moving out.”
He nods his head that is pressed against my thighs.
“You stay. I’ll leave.” His words are muffled and defeated.
We sit there in silence for a few more minutes before I urge him to release me and stand. He gets to his feet then reaches out for my hand. I hesitate for a moment but eventually I slide my smaller hand into his larger one.
I stare at them, his light brown skin contrasted against my lighter skin. My tan will fade and soon I’ll lose my summer color. Soon, all the color in my life will fade and all that will be left is a sad and dreary existence.
Chapter 3
Luna
We enter our house, each of us dragging our feet and not wanting to face the road ahead. We reach the kitchen and I slump against the wall.
“Are you hungry?” I ask him.
“No babe,” he answers. “Go shower. I’ll make some coffee.”
I look at him and nod before going upstairs to our room.
Our room.
It will never be ours again. We’ll never sleep as husband and wife in this bed again. Will we sell this house? How can I afford to live here? I’ll need a job. What will happen to the kids? Poppy is so young. She’ll go from having mommy around all day to being stuck in a daycare with strangers who won’t love her like I do.
And then there’s Hunter and Helene. They’re only six but they’re old enough to understand what us divorcing will mean. No more family dinners or vacations. No more movie nights with mommy and daddy, snuggled on the couch. No more cuddling between us when the nights are too scary.
I turn on the shower and stand under the cold water. The stream hits my skin like little knives, but I don’t feel the cold.And I don’t feel when the water turns to scalding or how it burns my skin. All I feel is hollow.
I don’t know how long I stand under the water, but I flinch when I hear the shower door swing open and see Roman standing there.
“Jesus, Luna. Your skin.” He reaches in and shuts the water off, then pulls me out and into him.
I look at my arms and see that they’re an angry red. My entire body looks as if it’s been held over a roaring fire.
I begin to shiver and feel a warm, fluffy towel being wrapped around me. Roman tries to get me to walk to our room, but my body shakes so violently that I can’t take a step.
He bends down and swoops me up into his arms, carrying me through the door like he did when he carried me as his new wife into our hotel room. I’m placed on our bed and I fold into myself, still trembling.
