AllFreeNovel
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The man laughed. “No one really knows the recipe, but it definitely is delicious.”
“Which is what makes it so dangerous.” The woman next to him laughed. “Welcome to town. There’s a bonfire down by the river tonight. You two should check it out.”
“That sounds fun.” Cole looked over at Amber for confirmation. She nodded. Itdidsound like fun.
And with the way Cole was looking at her and the warmth of the alcohol in her belly, Amber was pretty sure she’d say yes to anything he suggested.
“Great,” the woman said. “The sleigh ride will take you straight there.”
“The sleigh?” Amber couldn’t help but ask. “What’s with the hay wagon?”
The woman laughed. “It’s always been a wagon. Even when we have lots of snow by now. It’s just easier and you can fit more people on it, but the festival organizers insist on calling it a sleigh.” Her smile was warm. “I hope you aren’t too disappointed?”
“Not at all,” Amber answered honestly and instinctively moved a little closer to Cole.
The woman winked at them and went back to snuggling with her man.
The couple looked cozy and sweet and a twinge of jealousy hit her. Ever since breaking up with Randy, there’d been more than a few moments where Amber missed the togetherness that came with being a couple. The companionship that having someone special in your life afforded you. Not that she and Randy ever cuddled the way that couple was. In fact, Randy would never have joined her on a hayride, let alone pulled her close in any kind of public display of affection. There’d been a time when she thought that was a good thing. She used to look at couples who hung off each other, held hands or kissed in public, and turned up her nose.They must need to prove to the world that they’re in love,she’d think. It embarrassed her now to remember how judgmental she’d been of that love. But now she knew better. She hadn’t been unimpressed with their love; she’d been disappointed in the lack of affection in her own relationship.
The power of the mind was actually a pretty impressive thing. She’d managed to convince herself for years that her loveless relationship was actually the gold standard. She’d been so foolish. But it made sense. At least, according to the last therapist that she’d seen briefly after breaking up with Randy. After hearing about her mother and father’s relationship and the way they’d always been so open about their love, even after coming out with the news that her father had a whole other family, it had bothered her as a young woman. A lot.
Amber could never understand how they could behave in such a way that would hurt so many other people. According to Doctor Shultz, she’d begun to think of that outward display of affection, or any real affection at all, as a betrayal.
Of what, Amber didn’t really know. But she couldn’t fully disagree with the therapist. That was probably a big part of it. But she couldn’t blame all of her issues on her messed-up family life. She knew it wasn’t all their fault. It was also her fault. And her choice of partner. Randy just hadn’t been right for her.
Amber didn’t mean to, but she couldn’t help but watch the young couple and the easy way they leaned into each other. The casual way the man put his hand on her thigh and squeezed.Would she behave that way with the right partner?She sighed deeply and forced herself to turn away. She pulled her gaze back to Cole, who was watching her carefully.
“Hey,” he said gently. “What’s going on?”
She forced a smile. “What do you mean? We’re on a—”
“Where did you go?” He interrupted her. “Just now. You looked like maybe you were lost in your head there for a moment.”
She dropped her gaze, but only for a moment before making the decision to be honest with him. “I was just thinking about something I used to have and don’t anymore.” She took a sip of her drink before wiping her lip and adding, “No, that’s not true. I was thinking about something I never had. And thought I did.”
“I’m not sure I understand. Why did that make you sad?”
“It didn’t.” Amber shook her head gently, enjoying how the waves of her long hair hit her face. It had been so long since she’d worn it down. Years, really. “You know what, it didn’t. I just realized that what I thought I had wasn’t so great after all. And not at all what I want, or deserve.” She looked Cole straight in his eyes. “I’m looking forward to the future, having a little fun and just…well, seeing what happens.”
His hand slid across the hay to hers. He didn’t take it in his, but she could feel the heat from it, and it sent a thrill racing through her. After a moment, one finger stretched out and wrapped around hers. “Good,” he said slowly. “Because I’ve built a whole life on having fun and seeing what happens and not settling down.”
“You don’t believe in settling down?” She didn’t know why she asked. After all, it’s not as though it mattered. Not really.
He shrugged. “I guess I haven’t thought about it much. But I definitely don’t believe in labels.”
“Labels?”
He laughed. “When you label things, they tend to lose their fun. Don’t you think?”
She could lose herself in his eyes and his words, but only moments before she let herself fall, she caught herself. “But there’s more to life than just having fun, isn’t there?”
He chuckled. “Spoken like a true accountant.”
“Maybe.” She ignored the twinge of hurt she felt at his words.Boring. Predictable.“But I think I’m starting to see that it should be a balance. I’m twenty-four,” she said. “And more and more I’m thinking that there’s no reason that you can’t have both. Funandresponsibility.”
He nodded slowly. “Have you ever had any? Fun, I mean?”
Her first instinct was to clap back with a sharp retort. Of course she’d had fun. Tons of it. But…had she? Really? After a moment, Amber took a breath, and answered honestly, “Not enough. Growing up, our family was kind of a mess. It’s a long story really, but basically my dad had two families. Finally, he left his first family for us, but then it was messy, with a lot of hurt feelings, and…well, I didn’t want to make any waves. I thought that if I could just be thegood girl, then my older brothers would like me instead of blaming me for breaking up their family.”
