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She nodded. “It seemed like a nice, safe path to take. Too much uncertainty in skating.” Her mouth twisted up into a sad smile as they kept moving. She turned to look at him. “Everything was so out of control back then. It just seemed so important to be in control of something. Anything. And I could control that. Every single part of it. And it felt right.”
He nodded and let her talk.
“If I worked hard, I got good grades. Then I got the school I wanted. The internship I wanted. The job…”
The job she turned down. For him.
“And now?” He almost hated to ask the question. But he needed to. As much as he didn’t want to, they did need to talk about the future, in some capacity.
He’d tried not to think about it, but Cal’s words about Amber needing a plan kept reverberating in his head. And now he knew why.What if her need for order was so deeply ingrained in her that this…this thing they were doing…them…couldn’t possibly last?
The idea scared the hell out of him in a way he didn’t expect.
Cole worked to control his breathing as he waited for her answer. Finally, she spun on her skate so she was in front of him and looked directly into his eyes. “Now?” She shrugged a little. “Now I—”
“There you guys are!”Chelsea all but slammed into them, grabbed Amber’s arm, and spun to a stop on her skates as her boyfriend, Lucas, joined them. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”
Amber’s words died on her lips, but she didn’t miss the look on Cole’s face as she turned away to greet her sister. She may not have been able to say what she needed to, but she couldn’t help but feel as though he already knew what she’d been about to say.
But how could he know, when she didn’t even know?
Not really.
Amber shook her head. She couldn’t think about that now.
“Hey,” she greeted her sister, holding tight so Chelsea didn’t fall down. She’d never been as good on skates as Amber. “We’ve been here all night. Were you looking for us?”
“Yes and no, I guess.” She shrugged. “I just want to spend as much time together as we possibly can.”
Amber laughed but Lucas shook his head. “I keep telling her that it’s okay to give you guys some time alone, too. But she won’t listen.”
“Of course I won’t listen! I haven’t seen my sister in ages and when we go overseas to check on Lucas’s new project, I won’t see her until…well, who knows!” Chelsea spun and faced her. “And if you decide to go to Australia.” She threw her arm over her face dramatically. “I’ll never see you again.”
Amber laughed and purposefully avoided meeting Cole’s gaze. She hadn’t missed her sister’s choice of words, and she was pretty sure he hadn’t either.
If you decide to go to Australia.
They hadn’t discussed their next steps at all. But even without talking about it, Amber had felt things changing for her. The last few days of being around her family in Cedar Springs had been better than she’d ever expected. She never thought she’d be able to connect with her oldest brothers the way she had, and all of their women felt instantly like more sisters. She’d never before been able to experience the big happy family, and as messed up as their history was, it still felt good.
Really good.
“Earth to Amber?”
She blinked hard and shook her head a little. Chelsea had released her arm and stood in Lucas’s embrace. She’d obviously been talking to her, but Amber had drifted off into her thoughts.
“Are you okay?” Cole put his arm on hers and squeezed gently. His eyes were full of concern, but Amber knew it wasn’t just concern for the way she’d gotten momentarily lost in thought. He’d sensed the shift, too. And they still hadn’t discussed what it was they were going to do after the holidays.
Was it insane that she’d given up such an amazing opportunity for a man who, by his own declaration, had never wanted to get married or settle down? Did she even have a future with a man like that? Was she making a huge mistake?
The questions that for the most part she’d managed to suppress bubbled to the surface all at once. Her heart raced and suddenly, despite the chilly air, she was too hot. Amber tugged at her scarf.
“Amber?”
She blinked hard to see Cole still watching her carefully. If she looked closely, she could almost see what she thought might be love in his eyes.But was it?He still hadn’t told her how he felt. Except that helikedher. If he didn’t admit his feelings to her, could she trust that he even had them? Or maybe that didn’t matter? After all, she could just live moment to moment. She didn’t reallyneedany kind of declaration or promise from him. Did she? Maybe thenewAmber didn’t need long-term commitments or plans of any kind and could justwingit. Yes. She could wing it.
“I’m good.” It wasn’t entirely a lie. Because despite the confusion that swirled around inside her, growing more intense by the moment, she was good. Being in Cedar Springs felt like putting on a warm sweater, and being with Cole, despite the uncertainty…it felt right, too. Amber kissed Cole quickly to reassure him. “More than good.”
And that’s what she was going to focus on.
