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‘Tell me something about yourself,’ John pressed me. ‘Tell me anything.’ He’d angled his body so it was achingly close to mine, his hips twisted so that his stomach was inches away from my ass. And he was talking directly into my ear, so close I could feel his breath on my neck.
I shook my head resolutely. ‘No.’
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that he looked almost amused. ‘Where are you from?’ he asked, stepping back a little as we watched Juliette go around and around.
I eyed him warily, shaking my head. His questions made me mad. I would tell him nothing.
John sighed. ‘You had a son.’
I wanted to punch him in the face. Was he part of this, then? Was he working with Murphy? Was he trying to find out where Luis was, so he could kill him? I whirled to face John, jabbing my finger into his hard chest as a look of surprise spread across his face.
‘Do you really think if I had a son, I would be standing here with you?’ I asked, gritting my teeth. How dare he? He had no right to talk about Luis. No right.
He considered that for a moment. Leaned back, putting space between us as he took another drag of his cigarette. He dropped his gaze, staring at the lit end as if he was pondering something, before levelling his eyes at me once more. His stare was intense, but I didn’t look away. I wouldn’t back down.
‘You carry a photo of a baby around, but he’s not your son?’ John asked dubiously. ‘Okay, whatever.’ And I could tell he was offended that I wouldn’t tell him anything.
He was hurt. And somehow I knew that he was telling the truth. That he wasn’t trying to get information from me to hurt me. I had an overwhelming feeling that he was on my side. Call it intuition, call it gut feeling – but suddenly I felt terrible for assuming the worst of him.
I hated to lie – especially to someone who was trying to be nice. But I did. Because he’d been Dornan’s best friend forever, and he’d worked for Emilio almost that long, and one more person knowing about my son was one too many. I thought of Murphy, of the way he used Luis as a pawn against me, and how effortlessly it worked. I couldn’t handle Emilio Ross doing the same thing. Not to mention Dornan’s reaction if he found out that I’d kept the knowledge of my child from him all these years. He’d never forgive me for lying to him about it, even if it was technically only lying by omission.
‘He was my baby brother,’ I said, skimming the murkiness of the past to extract and craft a suitable lie. ‘He died a long time ago. So don’t make things up to try and bond with me, John. Do I look like somebody’s mother to you?’
He looked disappointed. He didn’t respond.
‘I’m sorry for your loss,’ he said finally, dropping his cigarette butt and crushing it under his heel. ‘I just assumed, is all.’
‘It’s fine,’ I said, feeling like a fucking bitch for lying to him, nice, dependable John. ‘I can see how you’d think that.’
But I clung to my secrets. My son was already in danger, our future together seemingly impossible. They couldn’t have his memory, too.
‘Like I said, I’m nobody’s mother.’ I snorted. ‘I’d make a lousy mother, anyway.’
John let out a breath, turning to watch as Juliette’s chair descended slowly and she was let off the carnival ride.
‘You did more motherly things for her in the past hour than her actual mother’s done in years,’ he said, and my heart broke a little for the both of them.
‘John—’ I started.
‘It’s fine,’ he said, echoing my previous sentiments. He started towards Juliette. ‘Let’s go.’
I followed him wordlessly as he walked away from me. He stopped and touched Juliette’s shoulder gently when she stopped in front of him, murmured something in her ear. He was a good father.
Soon we were climbing into John’s car, the doors making a dull thunk as he closed Juliette’s door, then mine. Our eyes caught as he closed my door, and I attempted a small smile. I didn’t know what the hell the outing had been for other than a babysitting gig for John, but I still wanted him to know that I was grateful for the brief reprieve from my apartment. He stared down at me through the car window, and something passed between us. I don’t know what it was or even how to describe it. It was something, though, because all of a sudden my throat was thick, my stomach was doing flips and the hair on the back of my neck was standing on end. Something inside me lit up, and I had to look away.
I shifted my gaze to the sky, watching the clouds on the horizon as they continued to roll in above us. Everything seemed to get colder almost immediately, and then the sky burst open.
It rained so infrequently in Los Angeles that when it did, it was almost magical. Back home it rained often and the land was lush and green as a result. Here, it seemed to make everything spring to life and sparkle. It washed away the dirt and dust that clung to everything, a byproduct of existing in a desert by the sea.
John swore, shielding his face as he circled the car and got into the driver’s seat. I watched him silently as he started the engine and revved it a few times. Maybe he felt my gaze on him, because he glanced up at me sharply. His eyes looked tired. Bloodshot. I wondered when he’d last had a decent night’s sleep. I was betting it was the last time Dornan did. Well before I met either of them.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
MARIANA
It was late. John had dropped me off at my apartment and called me three times to make sure I’d activated the code on the door correctly. Seemed he took his job as protection detail in Dornan’s absence seriously.
If only he knew.
