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“What?” she asks.
I understand her surprise. So far, we've only been having friendly conversations about nothing. But I can't do it anymore. I need to know about the man who may be the love of her life.
"The two of you," I continue. "Your relationship. What's it like? What's the arrangement?"
I mean, I have my suspicion, but a part of me hopes I'm wrong. A huge part of me wants her and Billy to be broken up for good.Tell me that you don’t love him anymore.
But instead, she withdraws. It's like a curtain falling over her expression.
"I don’t want to talk about that," she says.
I should respect her decision, but I'm not satisfied with that answer.
I’m done lying to myself and her.
"I don’t want to be sleeping with another man’s girl, " I say, and her eyes widen. "I left that behind me eons ago. I need to know what's going on between you two."
Her eyes glitter in anger. "I’m not Billy’s girl. We broke up."
I pause, trying not to show my elation. Especially because I'm not sure if the breakup is a good thing or a bad thing. "But he’s your son’s father. And you love him.”
She ducks her head and hides her expression, the way she always does when she doesn’t want to answer a question, or when she’s lying.
So, she’s in love with him.Pain squeezes through me.
"Just give me time," she says, in a whisper. Her eyes flicker back up to me and there's apprehension in their depths. "I just need a week. And then I'll explain everything to you."
Explain it now, I want to demand, but I don't want to drive her away even more. I don't want to scare her with depths of emotions I don't even understand yet.
I simply nod. "Fine. A week."
15
MIA
I’m not entirelysure when the lie started, or how it flew out of control.
But I think it started with my brother. When I got pregnant, he was the first person I told. I was in panic mode and despite our fights growing up, Liam was always the first person I turned to whenever I panicked. In some ways, he was more of a rock than our parents, who, while loving, were not really the responsible type.
But Liam has always been solid in times of crisis.
I called Liam, longing for his calming voice expecting he would know what I should do next.
“Are you serious?” he asked after I broke the news, and I heard the shock in his voice.
“Yes,” I respond. “I just took three pregnancy tests to confirm. Oh God, Liam, I’m pregnant.”
“Well, shit.” Liam still sounds dumbfounded. “I would’ve thought Billy knew well enough how to wrap up.”
“No, it’s not…”It’s not Billy’s.I scramble to say the words, but they don’t quite make it out of my mouth. Admitting that the child isn’t Billy’s will bring more questions.It isn't Billy's? Who’s the father? A one-night stand? How could you be so careless?
How could you lose everything you stand for?
My breath is biting in my chest. I just can't say it. Liam would kill me.
“Billy and I broke up.” It’s not a lie, just not the full truth. “Before he left. We didn’t want to do the long-distance thing and figured it’d be best to go our separate ways.”
“Well, then he should have thought about that before he got you pregnant. Jesus.” Frustration lines his tone. “So, what now? Tell me, do you want to keep the baby?”
