AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Really, I am,” she says softly.
“You like Bo.” I get right to that point.
“Yes.” She unwinds a bit. “He doesn’t treat me like the other kids do.” Her chin comes up. “He thinks it’s cool that I like to read.”
“I think that’s cool too.”
“But ...” She gives me a disbelieving look. “You’re always telling me to get my nose out of my books.”
“I’m sorry about that.” I walk to her bed and sit on the edge right beside her. “I have my reasons, but I never wanted to hurt your feelings.”
Her eyes widen.
“Yeah,” I say dryly. “I get that apologies from me are unusual.” This is the second one I’ve made today. Mary Timmons first, and now my daughter. I glance at the ceiling. “Probably better watch for lightning.”
Peace giggles.
I love that sound.My bookish daughter is far too serious for her age.
“Your dad’s not perfect, Peace.” My throat tightens. “But I love you. So much.”
“I know, Daddy.” Her eyes brighten.
“Are you getting too old for me to hug you?” I ask, opening my arms.
She uncrosses her legs and hurls herself at me. I wrap my arms around her and kiss the top of her head. She smells like that rosewater bath gel she’s been using since she was old enough to request it.
“I love you just the way you are,” I say roughly. “I might have trouble understanding you, but I love you with my entire heart. You get that, right?”
“Yeah.” She snuggles closer, and the way that affects me is indescribable. “I love you too.”
My arms tighten around her.
She’s right. I’m chickenshit. I have love and the family I’ve always wanted, but I do fear losing them. If anything happened to them, I don’t know what I would do. I want them close so I can protect them.
But even more than fearing losing them, I’m terrified of fucking them up.
What the hell do I know about being a dad? My dad rejected me. My mom was shitty. I’m basically an inept parent and rely on Shaina to guide me.
I want Peace and Harmony to soar, to be so confident that they’ll take the chances I never took. I also want them to be strong, to spit in the eye of anyone who tells them they can’t do or be whoever they want to be.
I want them to do that, even if the person who stands in their way is me.
War
“So, why books?” I ask Peace the next day as we browse the aisles at the local library branch. It’s just the two of us. Our houseguests are on their own. Bryan is in charge of the band, and Lace in charge of dinner. I saw Shaina show her the drawer where we keep all the restaurant delivery menus.
“Why books what?” Peace shifts to look at me.
She’s been completely absorbed since we got here, blissed out in a literary daze. I wonder if Harmony is having a good time with her mother.
“Why do you like them so much?” I ask, not whispering.
I don’t have to whisper. This isn’t like when I got shushed every five seconds by the annoying Southside High librarian. For our excursion today, I pulled the rock-star card, made a huge donation, and got solo access for us into the building, even though it’s closed for the holidays.
“Because of the stories.” She withdraws yet another book from the shelf beside us and places it on top of the stack in my arms. “Because of the places those stories take me. Because they make me feel, sad, happy, excited, or scared.”
I nod reflectively. “I can appreciate that.”
