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His pouty lips are lightly parted, and his hastened breath passes through them. Usually, his eyes are a light blue, but the pupils are enlarged, and his lids are heavy, making them shadowed by his lashes.
Something primal and raw passes between us.
Sexual energy.
Tension fills the room, making the air feel palpable. The hairs on my arms stand up. My pulse skyrockets so much it feels like I’m running.
I almost gasp when I look down at Kai’s crotch.
I can see his cock in his pants. It’s shockingly big, the outline of it stretching the leather as it sits along his right thigh.
Earlier today, I’d caught a glimpse of the bulge when we met, and I’d thought maybe he was hard at that time.
I was wrong.
The size difference between then and now is telling.
Well, well, well. I guess I’m not delusional about Kai’s attraction to me. His signals might be all over the place, but his erection is unmistakable proof.
When he notices what I’m staring at, he gently passes me the plate and fork and mumbles, “I should get started on my own meal.”
Giving away the fact that he’s rattled, there’s some clattering as he clumsily collects his own plate and some cutlery from the end of the buffet.
After he loads his dish, he starts shoveling the eggs into his mouth like he might not get to eat for a while. That’s smart. We don’t know when or if food will be available to us again.
For me, this could be my last meal.
In fact, it’s a probability, and I feel a deep sorrow when I think about my inevitable death. Hours ago, I was ready for it. Begging for it, even.
I don’t want that anymore.
If I die now, I’ll go to my grave knowing I didn’t make the most of my life.
Knowing my life was wasted.
“Do you want to know what my biggest regret is?” I ask Kai while we eat.
There’s genuine interest on his face. “Yes, I do.”
“Wishing the days away. The truth is, I took time for granted. Every minute of every day, I thought about tomorrow. Or next week. Or the year after that. I was always looking ahead.”
Sympathy warms his eyes. “You’ve had a hard life. Anyone in your circumstances would’ve done the same.”
Sighing, I shake my head. “Wanting time to go faster is something I’ve always done. Even before the kidnapping, I had trouble living in the now. When I was a kid, I was too busy being impatient about the future to bask in the present. I remember hating my teenage years. Not because they were bad, but because I was just so excited about what lay ahead. I wanted to get to the successful career, the loving marriage, the perfect house, and the ideal family.”
“There’s nothing wrong with wanting those things.”
This subject has ruined my appetite, but I pick at my eggs and force down a big bite anyway.
“After the abduction, it obviously got worse,” I say. “It became a different kind of wishing. I felt like I had nothing to look forward to, so instead of being excited, I just wanted the days to be over. I counted every second until I could go to sleep and dream about nothing. Isn’t that silly? I didn’t even want to dream. I just wanted to shut off.”
“No one could blame you for that, Sunny.” Kai’s use of my nickname cuts through some of the darkness of the conversation.
“I should’ve tried to love life more, especially after I had a child. If I couldn’t do it for myself, then I should’ve done it for Zander. He deserved to have a mother who appreciated the fleeting moments of joy instead of going through the motions.”
Kai sets his cleared plate down to give me his full attention. My stomach is painfully stretched after being empty for so long, so even though I’ve only finished half my food, I abandon mine, too.
I don’t expect Kai to have a solution or words of wisdom for me, but then he says, “What if we were to enjoy ourselves now?”
