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“A temple?” Ro questions skeptically. “I don’t know much about Sterling, other than the fact that it’s where honored warriors go to retire, but what’s the purpose of a religious building in a world where religion is openly mocked?”
“Most people pay homage to dead ancestors or martyrs from the past.”
She chuckles wryly. “Of course. I should’ve known the fae would worship themselves.”
I nod. “That’s how it is ninety-nine percent of the time, however, a few people appeal to fate. They ask it to give them their soul mate, a long life, or good fortune.”
“Do you think that works for them?”
“No,” I admit. “I think fate can’t be swayed, but if someone believes it can, it doesn’t hurt to ask.”
“It does hurt, though,” Ro contradicts forlornly. “That’s the problem with prayer—you get your hopes up. You can put your whole heart into your request, truly thinking it will make a difference, and when it doesn’t it’s crushing.”
“You sound like you’re well-acquainted with this experience. Are you religious?”
She sends me a tentative side-eye. “If I were to say yes, would you laugh at me?”
“I don’t laugh, remember?” I whisper, giving her a wink.
Her lips twitch with amusement before she releases a conflicted sigh. “I had a Catholic upbringing. I used to believe in God.”
“Used to? You don’t anymore?”
“No. Maybe. I’m not sure what I believe. I just know that when Zarid heard me praying, I was berated and punished. My prayers became silent after that. In a few years, they became less frequent. Then at one point they just… stopped. I figured if there was a God, he couldn’t see me or hear me outside of the human realm.” Though she’s trying to speak with a monotone to hide her pain, her grief is too strong to stifle.
“You felt abandoned.”
“Yeah.” She hikes a shoulder. “And I was mad at God. So fucking mad. I had loved Him all my life, and He allowed horrible things to happen. Maybe Zarid was right to think I was silly for believing a powerful force might be looking out for me. Because obviously, I was wrong.”
Her devastation weighs heavily on me as if it’s mine.
She thinks her faith is gone, but there are some things you can’t steal from a person. You can’t take their identity, and sometimes belief in a higher power can be a defining feature of who someone is.
“Are you still angry with this god?” I ask. “It sounds like you are.”
After pondering my question for a second, she responds, “I guess I am. Yeah. I’m furious.”
“Then you still believe.”
Her stunned gaze swings my way. “What?”
“You can’t be angry with someone who doesn’t exist. I can be upset with fate, but the way I feel about it doesn’t make it disappear.”
Speechless, Ro’s mouth opens and closes a few times while she has an epiphany. Finally, she says, “I never thought of it that way.”
“Who’s to say your god isn’t real?” I contemplate. “I don’t understand much about religion, but I know my world and your homeland are filled with all kinds of unexplainable mysteries.”
Ro’s eyes become misty, and I can tell she’s trying not to cry, but it’s not the sad kind. Her body language changes, going from tense to relaxed.
Peaceful.
“I still believe,” she says quietly. Happily. “I do. Thank you for that perspective, Kai.”
“You’re welcome. I’m sorry something so special was kept from you for such a long time.” Before I can stop it, an impulsive promise leaves my mouth when I tell her, “Once we’re done in the Lost Land, I’ll bring you to Sterling. The real Sterling. You can come to the temple and pray for as long as you want.”
Ro looks at me with surprise. “Really? You’d want to go with me?”
“I mean,” I backtrack. “That is, if you want me to. No one would dare stop you if I’m around. I would escort you.”
