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I end up back at my house that same night, not wanting to stay out of town, but I’m surprised when I pull into my drive and see a familiar car there.
And I feel like a real bastard because it’s not the car I want to see. Axel is sitting out on my porch, waiting for me. I can hear my dogs barking inside the house, trying to get out, so I assume Cooper must have gotten my text about what time my flight landed and brought the dogs home.
His place must have been totally full this racing weekend.
I smile to myself as I walk past Axel and unlock the front door. He stands up and follows me inside as we’re greeted by two very excited dogs.
“Why are you here instead of celebrating the end of the season with your husband?” I ask, flopping down on the couch as Oscar hops up on my lap after making two attempts to make it up because of his short little legs.
“Oh, I plan to do lots of celebrating later,” he says waggling his eyebrows in an exaggerated fashion.
I pretend to gag, but he just laughs and sits down in one of the plush, oversized chairs in my living room. Annie hops up on his lap, making it in one try and triumphantly looking over at Oscar.
I can’t help but laugh at her antics and scratch Oscar’s floppy ears. “Why are you here, Axel?
“Jesus. Can’t a guy hang out with his friend?”
I eye him suspiciously and shake my head because we both know he’s here to talk and not to just hang out. “Why?” I try again, tired from the day.
“I know you wanted that win,” he says easily, but I can hear the hint of caution in his voice.
I did. But I wasn’t that upset about losing either.
So I decide to flip it on him and ask the question that’s really on my mind, “How did you know you were into dudes?”
His eyes bug out of his head, clearly not expecting that question at all. His brow furrows as he studies me carefully. “Mostly when they made my dick hard.”
I roll my eyes, and I’m not sure why I expected a real answer from my dumbass friend. “Thanks, asshole.”
He looks even more confused now. “Wait, are you seriously asking me? Like...” He cocks his head to the side and studies me even more closely. I hate it. I want to run the hell away and steal my words back. This was not a good idea.
Not that Axel would ever be cruel, but I don’t think I’m ready to talk about it.
“Never mind,” I say, standing up and walking to my kitchen, grabbing a glass for some water to distract myself.
Of course, Axel follows me. “Not never mind. What’s going on? Why do you want to know?”
I fill the glass, then start drinking it down, hoping he’ll let it go, but also knowing he won’t. “Oh...” he says, watching me. “Really?”
I put the glass down on the counter and eye him. “Really what?”
He looks far too smug, and I’m annoyed, but I also see a hint of understanding there. “You think you might be interested in a guy?”
“Can we please just forget this?” I ask desperately.
He shakes his head like I knew he would. “No. I’m here. We can talk. I...” He trails off for a moment, but then I see determination on his face. “I knew I was gay when I was pretty young, but I didn’t admit it to myself for a really long time. Family and racing... nothing felt...”—he sighs—“safe.”
I nod, trying to understand, but it wasn’t like that for me. I was always interested in women. That’s all I’ve ever known. I didn’t have to hide that. I never had to hide that part of me.
“I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me,” I say honestly. I still feel like shit, thinking about him needing to hide that part of himself. I knew long before he came out—it was hard to miss the longing way he’d watch a good-looking guy here and there. And it was definitely hard to miss the way he stared at Sebastian from day one.
He was a goner for the Pretty Boy.
He smiles at me. “I’m sorry I didn’t know I could. But we’re past that now, right? You know you can talk to me.”
I feel guilty because as much as we joke around and as hard of a time as we give each other, I do know I can trust him. He’s my oldest and best friend.
I swallow hard, my throat dry despite the amount of water I just drank. “I kissed a man...” I finally manage to say.
