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Axel can’t hide his surprise, but he recovers pretty quickly. “Is that the first guy you’ve kissed?”
I nod. “Yeah. I, uh...” I take a deep breath. “I thought I was totally straight, up until then. Fuck, I still think I am, but I...” I shake my head because I sound like an idiot, and I’m not even sure what I was trying to say.
“Hey.” Axel walks closer to me. “It’s okay. There are no rules, Royal. No black and white.”
“Why now?” I ask, completely clueless. “Why am I all of a sudden attracted to a guy when I’ve never once felt that before? It makes no sense, Axel.”
He grins at that, shrugs, then sits down on one of the stools in my kitchen. “Why did you kiss him?”
I shake my head at that because I don’t know. “I don’t know. I wanted to. I just...” I start pacing because it makes no sense, and it’s so goddamn ridiculous. “I wanted to.”
I stop walking and wait for him to respond. “Okay...” I hate that he’s being so careful with me, like I might break. I’m not fucking breakable.
“I just wanted to. I... couldn’t stop thinking about it. About him. We’ve been spending so much time together, and I was obsessed.”
His eyes seem to register something, and he can’t hide his surprise. “The reporter?”
I huff and sit down next to him on a stool. “Yeah.”
“Wow,” he says, processing it slowly before he shrugs. “He is really cute.”
“He’s not cute. He’s perfect, beautiful even.”
Axel stares at me, wide-eyed now, with his lips turned into a totally smug smirk I want to punch off his dumb face. “Wow. You really have it bad, man.”
He’s far too amused, and again, I want to punch him. “No, I don’t. It’s just a weird little blip or something.”
He’s full-on laughing now. “A blip? Really?”
I huff again, really fucking annoyed. “Shut up.”
“Did you talk about it with him? After you kissed? Did he kiss you back?”
My body heats, thinking about how he kissed me back, but I try like hell to shake it off. “He did. But I kind of stopped it and then told him it was only because I was horny.”
He stares at me for a long time, looking at me like I’m an idiot—which, yeah—that was pretty damn idiotic. “That tracks.”
“Fuck you,” I say with no venom whatsoever because it does. I’m really good at saying the right things, but I’m also pretty damn good at saying the wrong things too. Especially when they really count.
“Look, are you freaking out because it’s a guy you’re into—”
“No,” I snap instantly, but then soften and shake my head. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. You know I don’t care about anyone’s sexuality. Not at all. Love who you love, and fuck who you’re attracted to.”
“They should make that a Hallmark card,” Axel says with a laugh.
“You know what I mean.” I stand up and start my pacing again. “It’s just confusing that I’ve never been attracted to a guy, and now I am. And even worse, he’s the goddamn media.”
He chuckles. Neither of us are huge fans of the press. “Yeah, that’s pretty messed-up.”
“You’re tellingme.” I sigh.
He climbs off the stool and walks closer to me. “So what has you so upset? I mean, for real.”
I look at my friend with total seriousness. “I want to do it again.”
“So?” he asks carefully.
“So. He’s not into me. Not at all.”
