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My stomach gave a little twist, but I told myself it was fine. He’d probably just run out for something, but for some strange reason, I didn’t believe that.
My hand trembled as I unlocked the front door and pushed it open, and I knew something was wrong when Tortellini didn’t greet me first thing, demanding affection and food. Not specifically in that order.
I headed deeper into the house, an eerie feeling creeping along the back of my neck that something wasn’t right. When I got to the living room, my cat lay in the center of the floor, tattered bits of paper strewn all over the floor.
“Oh, you little shit,” I scolded. “What did you get into now, huh?” He simply looked up at me without a care in the world, like I hadn’t said a thing. As I moved to the hall closet to grab the broom and dustpan, I couldn’t help but think that maybe Roan had been right. Tortelliniwasa menace.
I swept up the mess and threw it in the trash, deciding that the scrap of mail or whatever it was he’d destroyed, would be enough to tide him over until dinner time.
“Serves you right,” I said as I stared at him over the counter and into the living room. “Hope it was worth it, because it’s all you’re eating this afternoon.”
I was just about the head back to my bedroom to change out of my rehearsal clothes when I noticed something from the corner of my eyes and drew up short. More to the point, I noticed somethingmissing.
The guitar case had been propped against the wall beneath the living room window for the past week and a half. Whether he was strumming on the guitar or not, the case was alwaysthere.
Only, it wasn’t now.
My stomach dropped to the floor at my feet, and I burst into action, racing into my room. I ripped open the closet door, but Roan’s bags were no longer tucked away in the corner. I darted to the dresser and yanked open the drawer he’d made room for himself in. Sure enough, it was empty.
My heart began to beat at a painfully fast rate and my whole body trembled as I fell to my knees and grabbed the handle for the bottom drawer. I slid it open, wood creaking as it scraped along the slides. Roan’s shirt, the Music City one I’d kept with me all these years, should have been folded and placed in the very center of the drawer. Exactly where I put it after the last time I did laundry.
But it wasn’t there. It was gone.
Roanwas gone.
I don’t know how long I sat there, staring into that drawer as the sad, heartbreaking reality set in.
Roan was really gone. He’d left me again, taking my heart with him.
Only this time, I had no one but myself to blame.
29
ALMA
It had been four days since Roan left me. Four days of tears and snot. Four days of self-pity. Four days of calling in sick and holing myself up at home so I didn’t have to see anyone. So I didn’t have to admit I was a failure, I wasn’t worth sticking around for. For four long, agonizing days as I checked my phone constantly for a call or text that never came through.
I told myself over and over I would call him, but every time my thumb hovered over his name, I’d lose my nerve. So instead, I lay in an unwashed lump on my couch day after day, binging on junk food and watching shitty daytime television because the soaps made me cry, and I was in the mood to cry.
I was in such a pathetic state even my cat didn’t want anything to do with me and had given me an extra wide berth the past few days.
It was the only way I’d found to relieve the ache that had been building in my chest like a pressure cooker.
For four days, I’d ignored everyone else so I could mope and feel sorry for myself and eat my weight in oatmeal crème pies, Ding Dongs, takeout pizzas, and ice cream. Apparently that was all the time my friends would allow, because at the end of day four, my front door was thrown open and my friends came storming in.
The determination that was printed on all their features quickly gave way to concern and sheer horror when they took in the state of me and my house.
“Oh my god,” Asher breathed, her face scrunching up as she lifted a hand to cover her nose. “What’s that smell?”
Sloane shook her head in disbelief. “I don’t know if it’s the trash or her.”
I pushed to sitting, letting out a pathetic groan when the new food baby I was sporting didn’t want to bend in that direction. “Well, it’s been great to see you guys,” I deadpanned. “But you can see yourselves out. As you can tell, I’m not taking visitors at the moment.”
I waved a hand down the front of my sweats, noticing they were covered in food stains.
Oh well,I thought to myself. It wasn’t like it mattered. I didn’t have anyone to impress. Not anymore.
Charlotte, clearly the bravest one in the group, trudged past food wrappers and takeout containers and took a seat next to me on the couch. She moved like she was going to hug me but thought better of it when she got close enough to smell me. Because that terrible smell was, in fact,me.
