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I had not forgotten about Tate Sagarro, even though I had tried to.
Really hard.
I had gone out with Hector and even, briefly, dated a guy I’d met on a hang gliding adventure. His name was Craig, he worked in finance and was a very decent and good-looking individual with a lovely sense of humor. We went out a few times and I had a good time. He’d been keen to take things further but I didn’t think it was fair. I still couldn’t get Tate out of my head. Even though he had not sent me any messages in a long time and I was wondering if he was finally moving on. Every man I met was compared to Tate. Even if they were kinder, nicer, I would invariably find that I was unable to touch them. When Craig kissed me, I had to stop myself from recoiling from him in horror.
I still spoke to Summer. We had a regular date for Thursdays when Annika brought her for ice cream on their way home. At our last meeting, Summer told me about Star’s wedding.
“It wasn’t a real wedding,” she said. “Star called it a ‘commitment ceremony,’” she said making air quotes.
“Star was wearing white and she and Trevor held hands and read these really long poems to each other,” she pulled a face. The reception was at a hotel in Malibu and the food was all vegan and totally inedible. “I asked Dad if we could go get MacDonalds and he said yes.”
“To junk food?” I said, surprised.
“He says it’s okay sometimes,” Summer said matter-of-factly.
Annika looked at me, “Apparently some of his best friends eat MacDonalds and they’re better than fine,” she said with a wink.
I was about to ask who, then I realized, she meant me. He meant me.
The comment stuck with me, all the way home.
That evening, while Luisa was going on and on about Carlos and how wonderful he was and how did I manage to get any work done with such an attractive boss blah-blah-blah, all I could think about was Tate and how he was saying sweet things about me, even now, months after I’d left.
I checked my phone and found the messages he’d sent me in the weeks after I’d quit. There were voice messages I’d never listened to. The first couple were angry, typical Tate, demanding that I talk to him, insisting on this or that. Then, later, the messages became gentler, more sad. He wanted to talk, to apologize, to explain. After that, the messages became shorter, his voice was quiet. How was I doing, was I okay?
I’d never responded to any of them.
Now I sat with my phone, my heart beating fast.
I sent him a message: I hear some of your best friends eat McDonalds and they’re fine?
Then I waited.
Chapter 24
Tate
After Summer has her dinner and goes up to her room, I hit the home gym for a serious session. I lift weights, do a bit of circuit and then hit the rowing machine for a set of punishing workouts. Sweat is pouring down my face and I feel my muscles burn as I push in and force myself to keep up the pace. I want to feel my limbs ache, to drive myself to the limit. By the time I get off the machine, my legs are jelly and I have to steady myself for a bit, drinking water to reenergize.
As I’m walking up to take a shower, I notice the message from my phone.
When I see who it’s from, I stop.
It’s from Evie.
The first message she has sent me since that night at the beach.
The words jump out at me from the screen and I read the sentence several times, letting them sink in so I can process them properly. After a minute, I realize that she’s been talking to Summer. I know they’ve been meeting, of course. Annika told me after the first time, feeling guilty about doing something behind my back, worried she might get into trouble. Back then, I’d been mad at first, but then I realized it could be a good thing, not only for Summer to still have contact with Evie, but it was a way for me to not lose contact completely.
Annika knows, I think. She’s been careful in how she does it but after meeting with Evie, she often makes casual remarks or says things to let me know how she’s keeping. It will be behind Summer’s back, so Summer does not know. Like if she’s doing homework and Annika sees me coming in from outside, she’ll motion to me to stop and loudly say something like, “Did you notice how sunburnt Evie was today? From all that hiking she did?” Sometimes Summer would barely notice, and Annika would continue, “Don’t you think it’s funny she’s doing all these outdoorsy things?”
This way, I got to know that Evie had not left San Francisco, that she was trying new things, which was good. I tried to listen out for mention of a boyfriend, something like that, but I knew better than to ask Summer or Annika outright.
But this text from Evie, it was big.
I knew it right away.
She was reaching out, sending me a message, letting me know that she was thinking about me too and maybe, was ready to start talking. It had been months since I’d seen her last. It wasn’t easy to admit, but I had been struggling. I had feelings for Evie and I could do nothing about it. I wasn’t used to taking the back seat, to stepping back, to giving someone space when I wanted to fill it.
