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It was a bit of a gamble, I knew that. Coming on too strong, I could risk scaring her off again. But she had to know that I still cared about her, perhaps more than ever. I couldn’t pretend to have a light, meaningless interaction with her like I sat next to her in chemistry class in school. I wanted her to know that I still wanted her. That I was sorry and that I would do anything to get her back.
She responded the same night: I’m not lost.
To which I responded: Best news I’ve had all day.
Our texts increased in frequency and we started texting every day. Sometimes in the morning, sometimes at night. I never called her, even though I wanted to. She didn’t suggest it either. This was comfortable for both of us, for now. I learned that she had a new job, I told her my new PA had ADHD and kept forgetting to give me my messages but I was practicing my new mantra for kindness. She found this hysterical and I could pretend that she hurt my feelings. I told her I’d appointed a Chief Operating Office to take over the day-to-day running of things so I could concentrate on innovation. She said her new boss and room-mate were hooking up. This was dangerous territory.
Me: How do you feel about that?
Her: What do you think?
Me: They’re not in the same office, though?
Her: No. But he’s a nice guy
Me: Where did he train? Or was he born that way?
Her: (Laughing emoji)
About three weeks after we started texting again, I asked if she wanted to go for lunch. I made a joke, promising not to talk about work or any serious topics.
Her: What else is there to talk about?
Me: Are you kidding? Summer? Star’s vows? New hiking trails?
Her: Ok
I just wanted to see her again. I wanted to get a sense of whether there was something between us that could be salvaged, fixed, patched up again. If I had a shot at getting her back into my life somehow. The fact that she’d contacted me was a good sign, I knew that.
I proposed a sushi restaurant near her work.
I made sure to be there when she got there, sitting in a window seat so I could watch her arrive and have a few moments at least to prepare. But she didn’t come. Five minutes passed, then another five. Bitterness coursed through me, disappointment so big I could barely swallow or breathe. It was followed by anger, which I knew by now, to be the wrong response. I waited half an hour before I was willing to admit that she wasn’t coming.
I couldn’t believe it. I had been so sure that everything would work out this time, that this was going to be the break we needed. I was hungry but I couldn’t eat. I didn’t want to drink. I wasn’t used to rejection, to losing. It seemed like when it came to Evie, I couldn’t win, no matter what I did.
Was this something I had to accept?
My entire being said no, I wasn’t made that way.
I fought for what I wanted.
But as I stared out at the empty street outside the restaurant, I thought maybe the time had come to stop fighting a losing battle.
Chapter 25
Evie
I was about to leave for lunch when Carlos came out towards me.
“Do you have a minute?” he asked me. His face was tense, which was unusual. Carlos was laid-back, relaxed, easy-going. Since I’d started working there, I’d never seem him lose his temper with anyone.
“Of course.”
I looked at my watch and saw I had a few minutes. Carlos probably wanted an update on one of the many projects we had going. This wouldn’t take long. I’d wanted to go into the ladies to check on my hair before I left. This lunch with Tate was big. There was no denying it. The first time we saw each other in months and after weeks of texting. The anticipation had been building, I’d been waiting for him to suggest it and when he finally did, I was so relieved, I had yelled out loud for joy.
But I couldn’t let Carlos down.
He’d given me this job, treated me better than any boss had until now. True, I didn’t have much to compare him to, just a crazy Silicon Valley exec and the grumpy old geezer up in Lake Tahoe where I’d worked in the restaurant kitchen.
