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"The baby, " she says, tenderly touching her hand to her stomach. Emotions get the better of her, and tears spill from her eyes.
I quickly move to her side and wrap my arms around her.
"It is going to be ok, Em." I pick her up, cradling her in my arms, and carry her to the bedroom. Lifting the covers, I slide her beneath them. "Just rest, ok. I am going to bring you some tea."
I look down at her and my heart softens. I am really struggling to deny how I truly feel about her. She holds my heart in ways I do not understand, and I cannot hide anymore. How are we going to navigate everything? My son, her family, work, a baby - I sigh, leaning down to kiss her gently.
It is going to be ok. I try and reassure myself. Everything will be ok.
CHAPTER13
EMMA
"Iwish we could just go out to dinner together, or for a walk in the park, anything other than constantly hiding our relationship from the world." I huff in frustration and annoyance while Lennox prepares dinner for us.
"It is just not a good idea, Emma, so stop pouting about it. Move on. There is no use complaining." He says bluntly. I am struggling to understand how one moment he is so tender and loving and the next he is cold and shut down. I wonder if it is his way of dealing with the stress. I do not like it. I wish he could just be the Lennox that I know and have fallen in love with, not this grumpy alter-ego version of himself that the people at work know.
I roll my eyes. "I don't even think I am hungry anymore." I sulk.
"Stop being a child. You have to eat. For you and for the baby."
He is getting annoyed with me. I can feel it. I can also feel that I am being a brat, which makes me wonder if he has a right to be annoyed with me. Maybe I am just too young for him? We are practically a world apart in age and we must think so differently. Yet, I feel we are so alike, both incredibly stubborn. That is for sure. Set in our ways. Brilliant at work. We both take our careers very seriously - not that you would think so looking at the mess we have made. I laugh quietly to myself. We really are quite alike in so many ways.
"What are you giggling about?"
Lennox holds a spoon towards me, filled with a creamy sauce, his hand underneath it to stop any spillage. "Here, taste this."
I open my mouth and he slides the spoon across my lips. It tastes delicious. "More salt," I say.
"You can't have more salt, Emma. You have to think about the baby."
I roll my eyes. "No coffee? No salt? What is the point of living anymore?" He turns to glare at me then sees my grin and shakes his head laughing. Lennox puts down the spoon and comes to stand behind me, wrapping his arms around me, and resting his hands on my stomach. "Aren't you just so dramatic tonight, sweetheart?"
He kisses the back of my neck sending shivers down my spine and setting goosebumps on my arms.
I lean back into him, feeling safe and warm, wishing that this feeling could last forever. Yet I know it won't. I know the whole world is against us right now and it is causing so many challenges for both of us.
Lennox has tried to phone my father several times, but he does not answer. He says he will keep trying. I had a short conversation over the phone with my dad and he was abrupt - still so angry with me. My mom has not called me, and I feel so far away from them. I have decided it is best to just give them some time to process everything. I did tell my dad that I was keeping the baby. He knew I would, but he really was not happy about it. He informed me that my mother and him are not interested in being involved. I know he does not mean it, that he is just upset, but his words cut me so deeply.
Lennox keeps reminding me to just give it time, but he is battling with his own family. His son does not want to come and stay with him and keeps refusing his invites. He bought box seats to the big game, hoping his son would join him there, but Danny said no, and Lennox ended up giving the tickets to a friend at work, not wanting to go without his son as it is their thing.
I do not want to focus on the negatives, but I feel like there is no way out of this situation. I feel like it might always be like this, and I hate the idea of that. Why do people have to judge us so harshly? So, what if we are so different in age. So, what if our social status is different. I mean, sure, I have student debt and can only just afford my rent and Lennox never has to worry about money, ever. We come from different worlds.
I watch him standing over the stove flipping steak in a cast iron pan. My heart reminds me that everything is irrelevant.
I have never felt this way about someone before. Our connection is so obvious and deep. Everything else can fall away and we can just focus on that.
I smile, unconsciously tracing my fingers over my stomach. I am going to have a baby with this man. We are going to have a baby.
Fear strikes me. What if he is only with me for the baby?
"Lennox." I say before I can stop myself.
"Yes, Em?" He says without looking up from the stove.
"I - uh - I was," I can't get the question out, suddenly overwhelmed with worry. He might just be with me out of obligation.
My silence has him curious; he looks up with concern in his eyes. "What is it, sweetheart? Are you feeling ok?"
