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She stares at me in silence. I begin to feel awkward and want to find a way to escape this situation.
A single tear falls down her cheek and my heart cracks.
"You don't think it matters?" She whispers, trying to hide the way her voice is shaking.
CHAPTER15
EMMA
"You don't think it matters?" I whisper, feeling my heart being torn from my rib cage. What does he mean? What can he possibly mean by saying that?
He has been acting so strangely since I walked into his office yesterday at work. I had thought that when I got home last night I could finally relax and be in his arms, but that did not happen at all, and I went to bed with a very heavy heart. This morning, nothing has improved. In fact, I think it is only getting worse.
I stare at Lennox in disbelief as the words play over and over in my mind. I don't think it matters anymore. Is he talking about us? What else could it be?
"Lennox," I want to say so many things, but when I look into his eyes, they are cold and blank like he has switched off his emotions and I know, no matter what I say now it will not change anything. Now is not the time.
"What, Emma?" He says harshly.
I stand up, placing my unfinished coffee on the table. "I think I should go. I think you have made yourself clear."
I stare into his eyes. This is not the Lennox I know. His face looks pained for a second and then he looks away. He looks ashamed. He should be. This is not the behavior I would've expected from him.
I begin collecting my things and packing them into my bag. When I go into the bathroom and pack away my toothbrush and my make up Lennox comes in looking worried. "You are packing - everything?" He asks as if he does not know. "What do you expect, Lennox? Do you think I should stay here - and be with someone who does not think it matters? Who does not think I matter?"
"It's not - "
"It's too late. You had your chance to speak to me - last night and this morning. I am done talking now."
I am fighting tears, my heart is breaking, but I can control the tears because of the heated anger rushing through me.
I grab my bag and try and walk out of the bathroom and Lennox blocks my way. "Emma, just wait one second."
I push past him. "Like I said, Lennox. It's too late."
As I walk into the kitchen a stabbing pain shoots through my abdomen. I cry out and clutch my stomach in my hands, dropping my things to the floor.
Lennox spins around and runs to me. "What is it? What is going on? The baby?"
I stand shakily to my feet and push him away again.
"It doesn't matter." I say, fighting for calm breaths. I know it must be because of the stress, the anger, and the hurt I am feeling. Obviously, it would affect the baby.
Our baby.
My baby.
I think about raising the baby on my own and I can't hold the tears back anymore. Lennox reaches out to take my arm to steady me and I push him away again.
"I think it is best if you leave me alone, Lennox."
I pick up my bags and walk out of his apartment and into my own.
My apartment feels cold and empty. I have not been staying here for such a long time it hardly feels like home anymore. But it is. It is my home.
I sigh and ease myself onto the sofa, focusing on my breathing, still clutching my stomach as sharp pains shoot through me. Maybe this is not just stress.
Scratching around in my handbag I find my phone and dial a clinic nearby. I can't even call the hospital. I have to keep this quiet.
