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I message her. I can see she is online.
Me: Emma - please answer. What is going on? What happened with the baby? Are you ok? Is everything ok?
The message is marked as read and I stare at the screen for a long time waiting for her reply. But none comes. I throw my phone, regretting it instantly because what if she calls back. I pick it up and I am relieved to see it is fine.
I pace up and down my office, as everything bubbles up in my head. Anxiety rushing through me. My heart aching in my chest.
What have I done? I pushed away the most amazing woman. I pushed her away from me in the cruelest way, all while she was pregnant with my baby. I pushed away the woman I love. I love her with all my heart and what I have done to her is so unspeakable. I have been treating her like she means nothing to me when in fact she is my entire world.
What have I done?
Suddenly I am crying.
I have not cried since I was a child.
I feel broken and torn.
I feel like the worst human being.
What have I done?
Now she won't even answer my calls.
I have to make this right. I had to make her see how wrong I was. That I know I was wrong. I have to fight for her.
I grab my things and rush out of the hospital. I need to get to her now.
It is still early in the day, but I can't be here. I have to do this now.
Standing outside Emma's apartment I knock on the door. My heart is in my throat. I do not know what I am going to say.
I hear her footsteps inside the apartment and then the door opens. She is wearing her pink tracksuit, and her eyes are tired and puffy.
She says nothing at all and just stares up at me. I want to pull her into my arms and tell her over and over again that I am sorry. I take a step towards her, and she steps back.
"Emma."
"What do you want, Lennox?"
"I heard - about the clinic - "
"We are fine. My baby is fine." She says coldly.
"Our baby." I say, correcting her.
"Is it? Our baby suddenly? Funny. Last we spoke you were not interested in either of us. The baby or me."
She glares at me.
"Can I come in? Can we talk?"
She blocks the door with her body. "No, Lennox. I do not think so."
Her walls are so high. I have done so much damage to our relationship.
I can see it clearly in her eyes.
"Please, Emma. I am begging you. Just give me a chance to talk to you."
