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At home the pain starts again, my abdomen cramping. The stress of today has not helped at all. I get into some comfortable clothes and slide onto the couch wanting to cry, but not letting myself. I need to pull myself together.
Lennox is obviously not going to contact me. He is obviously done with me. He made that clear again when we bumped into each other in the corridor.
I sigh and accept the fact that I need to start looking after myself. I know I am perfectly capable and strong enough to do this alone if I have to. It is not what I want to do. It is certainly not what I would have chosen, but if I have to, I know I can. I don't need Lennox. I don't need…
Sadness creeps through me.
I just need some time to process everything.
I messaged the hospital manager to tell him I have to take a personal day tomorrow and will not be at work.
I will take tomorrow off. I will pull myself together and get my head straight and on Wednesday when I wake up, I will feel better. I decided this in my head and my heart. I will be ready for this new challenge of being alone and pregnant. I can do this, and I will do this.
I resolved to also call my parents and sort out everything with them and get my friends at the hospital back. I might not have Lennox, but I do have support. I can talk to them. They know everything anyway and I do need them.
I fall asleep on the couch, with my hand resting on my stomach, protecting the baby I never wanted, but now love with all my heart.
CHAPTER16
LENNOX
After surgery on Tuesday morning, I am completely exhausted. It had been an incredibly difficult surgery and Emma, my best nurse, had not been there to assist when I would have really appreciated her help.
"Why is she not at work today though?"
The nurse stands in front of me with wide eyes, looking uncomfortable.
"I am not sure, Dr. Blake. I just know that after the complications - with - um - with the baby - this weekend - I think maybe it has something to do with that." She fidgets with her hands and takes a step back, wanting to leave, but I am not done yet.
"Baby?" How do they know about her pregnancy? "What are you - what is going on?"
"Sorry, Dr. Blake. I mean everyone is talking about it." She is blushing with embarrassment.
"What are they saying? What is everyone saying?" I snap at her.
She looks horrified to be put on the spot like this. "Look." I try and reassure her "No one is in trouble, ok. I just need to know what is going on."
She sighs, finally grasping that I am not going to let this go.
"One of my friends works at the clinic, you know the one not far from here. She saw Emma there this weekend - um - without you - um - everyone knows that you and Emma. Well anyway, Emma was bleeding quite badly."
"What the fuck." I shout.
I know she left my apartment having cramps, but I thought that was all it was.
I know she looked terrible in surgery yesterday, but I thought it was just to do with us because we were fighting. I had no idea she had gone to a clinic. Why hadn't she called me? Of course, she did not call me. I was such a fucking asshole to her.
The nurse is still standing in front of me, her eyes wide with horror.
"You can go." I say, then add "Thank you." Feeling bad for shouting at her.
I slam the office door behind me, anger turning into something I am not familiar with as I sink into my office chair. I lean forward with my head in my hands. Panic and remorse. That is what I am feeling.
I pick up my phone and dial Emma. It rings once then cuts out. She declined my call.
I dial again waiting impatiently for it to ring. She declines again.
Fuck.
