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Red started to say something, but I scurried away, a cacophony of thoughts jarring me, that look in Cullen’s eyes haunting me. The strange thing was Cullen couldn’t be on a sugar-free diet—he drank the sports drinks we mixed up for the games. It specifically contained sugar for energy and electrolytes to replace the potassium and sodium lost through sweat. And why would one small donut wreck his diet? Sure, donuts were fatty and sugary, but one wouldn’t hurt him. Cullen and the team trained so hard and burned so many calories that surely a small treat was allowed. Sawyer always came home from football practice with a raging appetite. And tonight Mrs. Mercer had assembled a table of all sorts of food, among them apple pie, muffins and carrot cake, so it seemed outrageous that Cullen wasn’t allowed one little donut.
Actually, looking at the plate in my hand, he’d chosen the biggest of the ones that were left. I picked it up and before I’d known it, I popped it into my mouth. The same donut that Cullen had held in his hand. And then I had the craziest idea.
I went into the kitchen and grabbed a bunch of paper napkins and wrapped up the remaining two donuts, putting them into my pocket as Mrs. Mercer came in with an empty tray. I asked if it was okay if I washed my plate before taking it home.
“Of course. And thank you for bringing the donuts,” she said, “you’re such a sweetheart.”
“I like baking,” I said.
“So do I,” Mrs. Mercer said, “that’s why I love feeding all you kids.”
“What’s Cullen’s favorite?” I asked as I rinsed the plate under the running water.
“Ooh, Cullen does like pumpkin pie,” she said, breaking into a radiant smile. “I make him a special one for Thanksgiving. I always add a little extra cinnamon and drizzle brown sugar on top. Cully loves cinnamon.”
“Sounds nice,” I said, “I should get your recipe.” I dried the plate and when Coach Amer and his wife came in, I made my escape. Millie had left with Tennessee earlier, so my only option was to hang around with my brother or the cheerleaders, not particularly wanting to get stuck with Red again.
Scouting for Sawyer, I spotted him with Flynn, Leylah and Charlotte. I gestured with my head that I needed to speak to him. Shoving his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, he came over to me.
“Hey, are you ready to go home, or should I call Mom for a ride?” I asked.
“You wanna go already?”
“Yeah. Millie’s gone.”
“I’m pretty beat. I’ll just find Cully and tell him.”
“Hey,” I lowered my voice to a whisper. “Which is Cullen’s room?”
“Top of the stairs. Why?”
“Maybe he’s up there?” I said casually, waving the plate as a kind of distraction.
“Nah, I saw him out the back,” Sawyer said.
He went toward the patio, while I headed for the staircase. I was prepared to say I was looking for the bathroom if I ran into anyone. I tiptoed up the steps, trying not to make too much noise with my boots. I turned the round doorknob quietly and peeked in, padding across to the bed.
But then I stopped.
Cullen’s room was not like Sawyer’s, which was in a constant state of mess. My brother had no concept of how coat hangers, closets or drawers worked, whereas Cullen’s room was spotless. The large bed was covered in a black and white striped duvet and a bunch of pillows, one in the shape of a football. And sitting in amongst them was a teddy bear wearing Cullen’s Number 9 jersey.
Smiling, I took the package of donuts out of my pocket, pondering whether to leave them on his bed or nightstand. He’d spot it more easily on the bed, though it might leave crumbs. I placed it next to the teddy bear, and not wanting to get caught, I quickly moved to the door. But it was impossible not to stare at the walls—of the posters of motivational quotes:The pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrowandDon’t dream for success; work for it.
And more, lots more that I didn’t have time to read. Though I did notice a shelf full of trophies, and above his study desk was a whiteboard, just like the ones in our classrooms at school. There were photos and pictures tucked in around the edges, and in the middle, written in blue marker was one word:BELIEVE
For a moment, all I could do was stare. It was silly to think it had anything to do with me. Heck, his whole room was a testament to mantras. It was one word, one common word, one that Coach Mercer had uttered a hundred thousand times in training.
I made my way downstairs in search of my brother, but it was Red I bumped into in the doorway between the kitchen and the dining room.
“Sierra,” he said, “I wondered where you were.”
I held up the plate. “I just cleaned this. I’ve gotta find Sawyer, we’re going home now.”
“I can give you a ride if you like,” he said, draping his arm around my waist.
My heart fluttered, but my mouth stuttered. “Ah, um, wh—” I couldn’t finish words or form sentences. It was flattering that Red had offered, but it put me in a fluster. I thought his hand on my shoulder earlier had been enthusiasm over my donuts, but his arm around me now made me uneasy. Yet, I didn’t want to be rude. Red and I shared three AP classes and an elective, Health and Nutrition, and we saw each other at training every day. “Ah, I think I see Sawyer,” I said, scrambling out from his touch. “Uh thanks, anyway, but I’ll go with Sawyer.”
With a racing heart, I located my brother but I couldn’t see Cullen anywhere. Probably just as well because I felt guilty sneaking into his room, but I hoped it would make him smile later.
