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I giggled to see his tidy, precise handwriting. Cullen really was opposite to Sawyer who was messy in all facets of his life, especially his bedroom.
“So,” Cullen said, his smile dazzling me, “I heard you went for a bike ride today.”
“Oh yeah,” I said sheepishly, wondering if his Mom would have mentioned it.
“Thanks for bringing back my stuff. You didn’t have to.”
“It was no problem,” I said, but I really wanted to sayI was worried about you.“How was your day?” That was also another way of sayingI was worried about you.
“It turned out good,” he said with a smile, “because of you.” But just as quickly, his eyes flitted to the side so he wasn’t directly looking into the camera. “Hey, I’m really sorry you got to hear all that...with Dad this morning. You know, uh, he can get a bit...a bit fired up.”
Cullen seemed embarrassed to admit it, but he didn’t know how I’d overheard his father being brutal to him before. I nodded, but got the feeling he didn’t want to talk about.
“Hey,” he said. “It’s going to be a crazy week.”
I nodded again, this time with enthusiasm, which stopped abruptly when he said, “But there’s something you should know—”
The next moment was a rampant visualization of him telling me that the kisses had been a mistake and that I didn’t mean anything to him and there could be nothing between us—ever. I pictured him at the prom with Siri and in their graduation gowns throwing their caps into the air. My chin was already quivering in anticipation of the heart breaking news.
“It’s okay,” I choked out, biting down on my twitchy traitorous lower lip.
“What’s okay?” he countered back.
“That you don’t want us to be a thing,” I said, hastily picking up my phone to remove myself from the screen. He could talk to my fluffy pillows and my soft toys, Lily and Hughie my teddy bears, and Sugar, my unicorn.
“Is that the bear you got from the River Valley County Fair?” He sounded stunned. “When you won the ring toss?”
I picked up Hughie, a yellow bear in dungarees wearing a straw hat. He wasn’t the cutest bear, but somehow ten-year-old me had managed to defy all odds and captured the bottle in the center which meant I could have any prize from the top shelf. I’d been at the Fair with my older brothers and their friends, having begged Reilly to let me tag along. Cullen had been there with Sawyer.
“Yep,” I said, bringing myself back to the camera with Hughie in front of me. “That’s Hughie.”
“Hughie,” he said with a laugh. “We all thought you were going to pick the doll. Not that farm bear.”
“Hughie was calling to me,” I said, curious as to how Cullen’s memory was so good. “I think he’d been stuck on that shelf for a long time.”
“Well, I think he found the best home,” Cullen said.
I peeked out from behind Hughie, chiding myself for being so juvenile. No wonder there could be nothing between us. Cullen was only thirteen months older than me, but it was the difference in maturity that mattered. I was a girl with soft toys and a butterfly duvet cover on my bed. No sophisticated color co-ordinated room for me, no push up bras, no stiletto heels. He was thinking about all that serious stuff like college and prom and graduation, and my spare time was spent googling donut recipes and finding a new series to binge watch.
“Sierra,” Cullen broke me from my reverie with his commanding football captain’s voice, “did I say I didn’t want us to be a thing?”
I shook my head. But that was exactly what an immature girl would do—jump to conclusions.
“No, I didn’t,” he reasserted. “What I wanted to say is...” he paused for a moment and chewed his lower lip, “what I wanted to say is it okay if we wait a week? Like, it’s going to be crazy enough as it is, but also—” He stopped, and flicked his hand through his hair, his expression earnest, almost fearful, but then his words came out in a rush. “I think I should talk to Sawyer first. Like, I don’t...I mean...I just think I should tell him about us before we...”
My heart clenched—for a multitude of reasons. Cullendidwant us to be a thing! But also, he cared enough about Sawyer to tell/warn/advise him of our impending relationship. That was a true friend, that was a caring heart.
I nodded, though now my chin was trembling from being overwhelmed. “That’s a good idea,” I whispered. “And he’s been sad this week because of Amanda.”
“Yeah,” Cullen said. “So, we’ll wait till after the championship game.”
“Okay.” I hugged Hughie to my chest and I must’ve blinked for a second because when I looked again, Cullen was holding his teddy bear. “Brady?”
He laughed. “Yeah, Brady, meet Hughie.”
He moved Brady’s arm into a waving motion and I did the same with Hughie. Juvenile? Maybe, but I couldn’t stop smiling.
“I’ll be in the cafeteria at breakfast time tomorrow,” he said, which made me frown. It seemed like a random remark but he carried on, “Like, you know, if you happen to be there and just casually sit with us and talk about sports drinks and water bottles—”
