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Chapter 1
Blythe
Until now, I didn’t believe the feelings of achievement and dread could coexist.
I always imagined that one would cancel out the other. Despite my sense of pride in this moment, the voice in my head telling me that I’m far from where I want to be hasn’t died.
Am I proud that I graduated from medical school? Yes. Am I one hundred percent positive that I want to be a doctor? No. Hence, the dread.
I gather the satin graduation gown in my hands, hoping its delicate softness can bring me back down to earth. People expect me to be happy right now, so I stifle my stoic expression with a smile.
“At this time, we’d like to recognize the winter graduating class’s recipient of our research award. Please help me in welcoming her to the podium. Congratulations to Dr. Blythe Farrow.”
Warm applause erupts from the crowd. I savor the moment of praise, standing elegantly and gliding across the stage. I wonder if the audience has any idea how much I sacrificed for this.
For starters, the countless sleepless nights and I don’t mean the fun kind. I can’t even remember the last time I went on a date or had so much as a spontaneous hook-up.
On top of that, I’ve had few visits home and time spent with my family. Add in the lack of self-care, hobbies, travel, and relaxation? It’s a little depressing really.
I miss spending time with my family. And I most certainly miss getting my rocks off from time to time. But I know what it takes to be the best in my field: full commitment andnodistractions.
The executive director of the medical honor society waits at the podium to hand over my award. I graciously nod my head, shake her hand, and take the heavy black crystal that she extends toward me. Looking down, I see my full name engraved. Holding the evidence of my resilience is satisfying.
I had to rely on so many people to survive my early life. Coming from an impoverished home lit a fire inside of me to become more. More than just someone who is forced to depend on others. My greatest motivation has been making those people who held me up proud. This little award is proof that I haven’t disappointed them yet.
I just wish I could say the same about not disappointing myself.
The director steps closer to the microphone and speaks a little too loud at first. “We’re thrilled to present this award,” she leans back a touch when the crowd winces at the volume, “to our most promising medical student of this year’s winter graduating class.”
I take a deep breath and keep my focus on her profile as she speaks. I don’t dare make eye contact with the crowd. I know the moment I see my family; emotions will fully take over.
“Dr. Farrow has proved herself to our committee. Graduating at the top of her class while showcasing her talent and ingenuity for medical research made her the clear choice,” she continues. “Her future in the medical field is promising. Selfishly, I hope that includes a career in academics.”
She smirks and winks at me and that earns a chorus of laughs from the crowd. It’s not the first time she’s brought up the idea of my future in education.
“I can picture you teaching one day,”she’d say.“People respect you and listen to you. You’d be an asset as an educator.”
I’d need a whole lot more experience in the medical field first, but I can’t say the idea of it isn’t appealing. It’s prestigious. Secure.
While the crowd claps again at the director’s departure, I take a deep breath and step up to the podium. Intentionally, I keep my acceptance short and sweet.
“Thank you, Dr. Mullen. This is an incredible honor. And thank you not only to the committee but also to my professors and peers who have created a healthy level of competition and nurturing instruction here.”
I pause, finally letting my gaze land on my parents and my brother in the third row. I make eye contact with each of them and sniff back my emotions.
“I want nothing more than to make you all proud.”
They know I’m speaking directly to them.
They’re the most important people in the world to me. My parents struggled financially throughout my entire childhood and adult years. They still do. But no matter what, they always showed me compassion and love. I may have hated the fact that we lived in a trailer house and never had new clothes or more than one reliable vehicle, but I never questioned the fact that my family cared for me and that they were good people.
It’s been my life’s mission to take care of them now. Nothing means more to me than to be able to help them live a more comfortable life.
To my surprise, my classmates give a standing ovation and the whole auditorium mirrors their gesture of respect.
I never went to medical school with the idea of chasing recognition. I wanted to save lives and help people, sure. But more than anything I wanted to never have to worry about money again.
I know you don’t make great money right away as a Doctor. But eventually, it’s a solid career choice in terms of potential salary. Since science was always my strong suit, I pursued a medical degree to lock down a career that would take me places. Places that felt a lot safer and more stable than a trailer park in the plains of West Texas.
