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“Hes and Warren, y’all check this fence line all the way to the Bluff Pasture for any stragglers or posts that need fixed,” I say. “Tripp, you’re with me.”
“Yessir,” Warren sits up straight in his saddle and salutes. Smart ass.
Heston gives one quick nod and another whistle to Lucky, and they take off in the direction of the Bluffs.
A few hours and a couple hundred cows gathered later, Tripp and I stop the horses at a windmill water tank so they can have a drink. My phone buzzes inside my coat and I pull it out. It takes a whole second and a half to decline the call and stuff it back in my pocket.
“You gonna tell me who keeps calling you about this time every day and why you never answer?”
I ignore him and cross my forearms, resting them on the horn of the saddle.
“One of these days you’ll get bored of not tellin’ anybody shit,” Tripp says.
Not a chance.
“Whoever it is makes your face twist up like you ate too many beans with your cornbread. Come on. Entertain me. Who is it? No, let me guess!” He’s excited now and practically bouncing. “An old girlfriend that cheated on your grumpy ass but wants you back.”
I shake my head and can’t help but smirk.
“No?” He snaps his fingers. “Oh! Maybe it’s the girl from the bar last weekend that wouldn’t leave you alone. Jocelyn? Jaclyn? She was hot as fuck.”
“Do you ever shut up? It’s not some girl.”
“See that’s your problem man! You need to get laid.”
Can’t argue with that, but I won’t admit it.
“Let out whatever else is bothering you while you’re at it. You know you can talk to me right?” His face turns more stoic.
Tripp is the jokester of the group, always there to lighten the mood or make someone laugh. I’ve never seen him be the one to take the conversation into more serious territory. When I don’t say anything in reply, he sighs.
“Seems like there’s always a lot on your mind and you never talk about it.”
I squint, scanning the field ahead of us. I’m not looking for anything, just deep in thought. I decide not to deflect for once.
“It’s not easy for me.”
“Yeah. Not trying to get all emotional on you or anything. Just saying you can trust me. I got your back you know? Best friends and all that.”
There’s a million things I wish I could tell Tripp. Hell, I wish I could tell all my friends. There’s a lot I could get off my chest right now.
He holds his arms outstretched on either side of him, “Look at me. I tell you everything and I feel as light and free as a bird!” He caws like a hawk and flaps his arms.
I chuckle and shake my head again. I knew the seriousness wouldn’t last for long. He couldn’t keep that up for more than a few sentences without acting like an idiot.
What Ishouldsay is that his friendship means a lot to me and that I trust him with my life. And thank him for being someone that I can talk to and confide in if I wanted to. Ishouldsay that I’ve been dealing with some shit no one knows about. Thank him for the support. Let him give me a little advice and stop secluding myself. Stop going through it all alone in my head.
But I don’t.
“Whatever’s stopping you, man, let it go.”
I hear him loud and clear, but I pretend I don’t by not taking my eyes off of the horizon. “Oh, and we’re going out tomorrow night. You may not want to tell me what’s bothering you, but you can’t stop me from setting you up with a pretty girl that’ll suck the sadness right out of ya.” An evil grin spreads across his face.
Let it go. Ha. Easier said than done.
He may have a point, though. I’ve been so closed off for so long that it’s second nature to deflect my feelings and emotions. I rarely, if ever, participate in any sort of serious conversation with my friends. And they’re well aware of that fact.
There’s too much of me that I want to keep hidden.
