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I immediately regretted it.
“What the fuck does that mean?” he asked, his voice low and dangerous.
“Nothing. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said it,” I murmured, trying to bring the tension down a notch.
But he knew exactly what I’d meant. “Even if Lou had been planning last night for years, it all hinged on him knowing something about you that you should’ve told me. And you didn’t.”
“I know. It was wrong of me – ”
“It was wrong of you? FUCK you, Fiona. This isn’t some little white lie. You fucking betrayed me. And because of that I lost the club, not to mention I’m going to lose my house, my business – ”
“Your house?” I was so pissed at his High Horse routine that I couldn’t keep the sarcasm and dubiousness out of my voice.
“What do you think’s gonna happen when people find out Lou’s back in control of the Midnight Riders? You think they’re going to come to my shop and risk pissing him off?”
…shit.
I hadn’t even considered that.
“Jack – ” I started, feeling guilty all over again.
He wouldn’t let me get a word in edgewise. “And when I can’t get anybody to come into my shop, how the fuck am I supposed to pay my bills?”
“Jack – ”
“I’ve lost the respect of the club, I’ve lost the respect of the town, I’ve lost everything that meant anything to me – ”
“I didn’t know, Jack,” I pleaded.
“No, you just didn’t fucking think. You weren’t thinking about anybody but yourself.”
Okay, that tore it.
“You asshole,” I seethed. “I was thinking about my cousin. I risked my life to find out who murdered her. I wasn’t thinking about me, I was thinking about her.”
The look on his face softened for the briefest second, but then his features hardened again. “And you didn’t care whose life you destroyed in the process.”
That was when I lost it.
“You keep talking about losing your house and your business – none of which has happened yet, by the way – and you keep talking about losing people’s respect – but she lost her LIFE. Yeah, I wasn’t there, and yeah, I didn’t save her, but you WERE there, and you still didn’t save her! I don’t care if you did to try to help her, you failed MISERABLY – so FUCK you and your house, and FUCK you and your body shop, and FUCK you and your motorcycle gang, because my cousin is FUCKING DEAD, AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS COMPLAIN LIKE A WHINY LITTLE BITCH!”
By the end, I was crying. My whole body shook with rage and sorrow as the tears poured down my cheeks.
Jack stood there looking at me. All his hatred had turned into something else. Sadness? Resignation? Weariness? I didn’t know. I couldn’t read him. All I knew is that he didn’t seem to hate me anymore.
But he didn’t take me in his arms, either, and he made no effort to comfort me.
We stood like that, me weeping and him silent, for a good 30 seconds.
“I’m sorry about your cousin,” he said finally.
I wanted so bad for this to be the moment when we got back together. I wanted so bad for him to take me in his arms, and hold me close, and whisper in my ear that it was going to be alright… that he forgave me for lying to him, and that he understood… and that he was sorry, too, for all the horrible things he’d said.
Unfortunately, that’s not what happened.
His voice turned cold, unfeeling, dead. “But she made her choices, and they led to that back alley. You made your choices, too, so quit crying and acting like you didn’t know what you were doing.”
“You fucking son of a bitch.” All the hatred I had seen in him just minutes ago had taken hold of me. “You want to talk about choices? You’ve spent the last three years with Lou right there in front of you, and you were too stupid to see what he was doing. He outsmarted you. He outplayed you. He beat you with one hand tied behind his back. You can blame me all you want, but last night happened because you were too blind and stupid to see what was really going on. You didn’t care – not enough to do anything about it until it was too late. You just wanted to play motorcycle with all your jerk-off friends like the fucking children you are. You want to talk about choices? YOU lost your house. YOU lost your business. YOU lost your club. YOU lost everybody’s respect. So what? Quit whining about it and go get them back. Go beat Lou at his own game. At least you CAN… but I can’t get my cousin back. And she sure as hell can’t get her life back.”
