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I can’t help but tense, anxiety wracking me for what she might say next. I’ve been suspicious for a while now of what type of business my sister conducts on those long trips of hers. Granted, I rarely ask questions. Lydia’s been a useful ally since we decided our goals aligned. No questions has always seemed like the best way to approach her, especially when asking for favors.
“I don’t think it’s going to surprise either of us if we learn you’ve gotten your hands dirty, Lydia,” says Fin, his voice still tinged with affection.
Lydia doesn’t laugh. In fact, she looks as though she’s bracing herself.
I don’t know what I’m expecting. Perhaps for a long-winded story slowly building us up to whatever it is she doesn’t want to tell us.
That’s a ridiculous thing to expect. This is Lydia we’re talking about it.
Still, I’m just as shocked when she says, with no emotion imbuing her face or voice, “I killed our mother.”
I tense, but Fin’s the one who drops his saucer, spilling sizzling tea all over Bezzie’s floor.
Anger boils within me, but it no longer flares outside of my skin, like it might have when I still possessed my Flame. Instead, it spirals inside me, mingling with confusion. “Why?” I can hardly breathe out.
All these years, I’ve assumed it was Rajeen who killed our mother. All these years, the reason for her death has made sense, especially since the revelation that she had an affair.
But Lydia.
My mind grapples for answers, but I find none.
“Father discovered my skill with the Flame early,” she says. “As much as he hated me for not being an heir, he decided I could be put to use. So he trained me. Beat me. Used me to take care of subjects who displeased him.”
Yes, that much I already know. It’s the whole reason our mother had an affair to begin with. In the hopes she could bear a son and redirect our father’s attention away from Lydia.
Fin still says nothing, though he’s shaking in the corner.
Lydia sighs, sorrow painting her violet eyes indigo. “When Father discovered Mother had had an affair…” She takes a breath before speaking, something I’ve never seen my sister do. “He lost his mind to jealousy. He summoned me to the dungeons, where he was keeping Mother and…” Her eyes snap to Fin apologetically, “and you, Fin.”
Fin says nothing.
Lydia pales, but when she speaks, it’s nothing compared to hearing my sister, my immovable sister’s voice shake. “He was lost to his own paranoia at that point. He’d convinced himself that Fin was illegitimate because of his lack of magic, but that you, Kiran, were his.”
Fin and I exchange disbelieving looks.
“We’re twins,” I say, hesitantly.
“Yes, and I already told you he was out of his mind. I don’t think he could bear believing that his favorite was not actually his heir. So he told himself the two of you had different fathers. Obviously, I don’t believe that to be the case. But he’d found a report of a set of twins from centuries ago who were born to different fathers, and he latched onto that, despite the lack of evidence.
“He said I had a choice,” Lydia says, and her voice goes quiet. So quiet, I can almost hear the child she was when it happened. “That I could choose between Fin and our mother.”
Dread ripples through me, even though I know where this story is heading, even though I already know the ending.
“She told me to kill her, so I obeyed.”
Fin’s gaze transfixes on his shoes as he speaks. “I remember.”
Sorrow fills Lydia’s eyes. “What?”
Fin swallows. “I remember. That day. Father took Mother and me to the dungeons and made us wait for you. I always thought it was just a nightmare. Just a kid’s way of explaining something that couldn’t be explained.”
There’s a silence that creeps between the three of us, and it’s thick and sweltering.
But that’s all there’s ever been between the three of us.
Distance.
Muggy and thick and difficult to wade through, but it’s not a distance any of us created.
