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“I’ve… had a thing for Isa the entire time?” I ask, finally stopping him from ranting about how I’ve failed to tell him what’s been happening.
“Duh. No one might see it at first glance, but I’m your best friend, Leo. I’m practically your brother. I see the way your eyes light up when she walks into the room. It’s like a little kid lighting up on Christmas morning,” Jordan gives it to me straight. “But still, how could you not tell me about all this?” Immediately, he goes back to his original annoyance. I would find it funny if I wasn’t preoccupied with something else.
I take a deep breath, unable to concentrate with Jordan talking in my ear.
“Alright, I’ll tell you, but if this leaks, I’m cutting out your budget for the rest of your current project,” I finally cave in, only kind of half-joking with my threat. I mean… I probably wouldn’t, but I know it’s how I’d get him to shut up. And it works wonders as the other side of the line is completely silent right now.
I take another breath before finally telling Jordan about what happened for these events to unfold. I tell him about how Isa’s visa extension has been rejected because she accompanied me to London during her application period. I tell him about how Peyton has reminded me of my father’s condition in his will, where I will have to return the ownership of the film studio to his estate if I fail to marry before my birthday at the end of summer. And finally, I tell him how getting married would solve both Isa’s and my problems and everything would simply go back to normal. After I summarize everything for him, the line remains silent, and I’m half-convinced that the call dropped somewhere between my words.
“Are you for real?” Jordan’s voice finally comes back, a bit hushed and relaxed this time around. “You expect me to believe you did this for yourself?”
I’m so confused. “Why else would I be doing all of this?”
“Leo, you’re already successful. And it’s not like you’ll lose the ownership of your dad’s film studio to some random guy. It goes back to his estate,” Jordan points out.
“Which anyone could vie for. Including Peyton.” I’m kind of appalled at how he’s not getting this.
“Hello? And what about you? There wasn’t anything stated in your dad’s will that you can’t vie for ownershipagain, right? And it's not like the board would take the risk of choosing another CEO when you're doing just fine,” he explains. I freeze… because he’s absolutely right. I don’t know how it escaped my thinking. I could just put my name in the ring and appeal for ownership like Peyton probably will. “So, really, Mr. Leo Camden, you’re doing all of this, this marriage fraud and risking more than you should, for Isa.”
My body almost goes limp against the metal of the balcony as the tropical sunshine starts to make me sweat all over. The heat of the place and the heat running through my body upon realizing that everything I’ve been doing might be totally pointless. Everything was suddenly overwhelming. My breathing is becoming ragged as I run a hand through my now-sweaty forehead, slicking back my hair as my eyes squint from the blinding sunlight.
“And you did that all because…” Jordan delays his words, knowing it isn’t really his place to say it out loud.
“I have to go,” I reply, not really thinking straight anymore. My heart is beating so rapidly against my chest that it feels like it’s about to claw its way out.
“You do what you need to do, Leo,” he says with an encouraging tone in his voice. “I’m still mad that you didn’t tell me about this earlier, but I’ll have you settle this with me later,” Jordan says before hanging up, and I almost couldn’t process his words with the way my brain is going a million miles a second.
My hand drops to my side with the phone still in it as I mindlessly walk back into the room. I don’t even know what I’m meaning to do, but I just have this irresistible urge to see Isa, so I trudge back to the bedroom.
“Isa?” I call out to her quietly as I open the door. The smell of sex is still in the air, and it almost drives me to give in to my desires, but I control myself. It all completely disappears when I notice that she’s not in my bed anymore. “Isa?” I call out once more, walking to my en suite bathroom door and knocking, but there’s no response.
She’s just… gone.
Chapter 15
Isa
ThehouseIgrewup in stares me right in my face. I came here, back to my childhood home, just like the old days. I even felt like I was coming back from high school the way I had to ride the same sequence of vehicles just to get here from the hotel. It’s all so clear in my head – a train ride, a jeepney ride, a little walk to the tricycle bay, and finally, a tricycle ride directly to my old home. It’s like today the world reminded me of where I came from. Sure, I might have seen a million pretty places – I’ve been to more countries than I once could only dream of, and I’ve seen and met a lot of famous people. I’ve come a long way from who I was, from that little girl who always came home in a tricycle from school. A part of me always wishes to go back to simpler times like that. Being back here in Manila reminds me of the days when the only thing weighing on my mind was my upcoming midterm exam or an essay I had to submit at midnight.
Now, there’s so many things that haunt me at night: my visa, the marriage fraud I’m about to commit, the fact that the years I’ve sacrificed over in a foreign country to provide for my family seems to have been fruitless judging from the untouched and severely aging childhood home right in front of me. It gets me thinking: Maybe I shouldn’t have left in the first place. Maybe I should have just stayed here and worked just enough for myself to get by since that was all that’s going to happen, anyway. I wouldn’t have had to work countless late nights and early morning flights, or I wouldn’t have had to face snooty agents or a heap of paperwork every time a movie begins production. I just feel like I’ve given so much for nothing, and I want to know why.
And there’s only really one way to find out. But before that, I hear a car pull up from behind me as I’m about to walk toward the door that I have walked to a million times before as a child.
“Isa…” His soft and silky voice calls to me, and I find myself already clinging and melting into how he says my name. “I knew I’d find you here.”
I turn around to face him – my boss – Leo, and I find his eyes a lot more expressive than ever before. Maybe it has something to do with what happened between us last night. Maybe there’s something he wants to talk about, which is why he tracked me all the way back here. And I would love nothing more than to reach out and touch his face, be it for the last time or for something else, but for now…
“I'm sorry I left without saying anything. I just need to get this off my mind and you looked peaceful out on the deck. I'll just be a few minutes, alright?” I ask, trying not to let any tears fall down my face. It’s all so overwhelming, after all. There are so many things running in my mind, and I just want it all to stop, but I know that the only way to do that is to face my problems, and not run away from them.
Leo’s lips close, and his expression softens even more, if that’s possible, as he takes another glance at the house. “You know, if it’s about the money for the renovation, maybe I can just –”
I immediately raise my hand with a small but genuine smile. “It wouldn’t be fair for you to solve my family’s problems, Leo,” I declare, facing away from him and looking at the dilapidated house one more time. “You’re sweet to offer, but I have to fix this myself,” I add, finally walking up to the door, leaving Leo by the car.
Each step approaching the door is like the loudest explosion in my head, knowing that there’s no going back from this. Yes, I’m mad and frustrated about what happened. Yes, I can’t understand why and how everything came to be like this. But no one ever really talks about how most of us underestimate confrontation with family. It’s nerve-wracking, to say the least. Paranoia sinks in, making you think that you won’t really have a family to come home to if you choose to speak your mind. Like, can I really risk my relationship with my family just because of this? I don’t know if this is how it is for everyone else, but it seems this way with most Filipino families, and I know it’s because a lot of us come from a place where we had nothing else but our families. It’s our safe haven, and just the thought of disturbing that space is daunting, so a lot just simply stay silent and suffer in it. But not me. I need to know. Ihaveto know.
I walk through the door, immediately seeing my parents on our beaten down couch from maybe twenty years ago watching their morning show. Their eyes are both tired and indifferent at the same time, but it changes to surprise and happiness upon seeing their eldest daughter walk into their house.
“Isa!” my mother exclaims, standing up and hugging me. I don’t think she feels me not hugging her back, but I’m also positive that being here is enough for her. It makes it even harder to voice my feelings when she’s like this. “You should have called that you were coming!” My mother is speaking in Tagalog, but my mind just registers it immediately in English, somehow. Maybe I’ve spent too long in the U.S.
