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I know he’s looking straight at me even though the bill of his cap shields his face. I feel it in every molecule of my body, but he just stands there with a poker face—something he never used to have with me. I used to be able to read him so easily. Another reminder of how things have changed forever between us.
It’s like there’s no one else here in the stadium. Just him and me, locked in an intense time tunnel that neither of us looks away from.
Time may have passed. Every day went by. But right now, it all comes to a screeching halt as we lock eyes in this crowded stadium.
I want to look away. A few tears prick my eyes.Why did you leave me?I want to go down there and grab him by the collar and scream at him. I want him to hurt like he hurt me. I want him to miss me like I missed him. But most of all, I want him to tell mewhy. Why I didn’t matter to him anymore. And that’s what hurt me the most.
What feels like minutes but is probably just seconds later, he finally looks back down and curls the bill of his ball cap with his fist, something he used to do when he was nervous back in high school. And there he is. The boy turned man. The one I never fathomed could just throw me away like he did.
He looks nervous as he paces back and forth on the field with his hands on his hips, eyes on his players now. Well, good. I hope I make him nervous. I hope he feels like the jerk that he is. I glance at Goldie, and she’s watching me closely, looking anxious.
I shake my head at her. “A warning would have been nice,” I mumble.
“And miss that emotional explosion with your SJ? Not on your life, kiddo. This entire town has been invested in this reunion. You’re both back, and we needed this.Youneeded this. This is like a real-life episode ofFriday Night Lights. And I’m here for all of it,” she says with a proud grin that’s hard to be mad at. She loved SJ as much as she loves me, and without her being our rock back in high school, I’m not sure either of us would have made it out of here. I can’t be mad at her when I know she means well.
Yet as much as she means well, she needs to understand that this isn’t happening. This nosy town invested in this? They all need to understand. “This? This isn’t happening. And he isnotmy SJ.”
“Mrs. Winters, do you want anything?” a man next to her asks, interrupting our sparring.
“Ty, honey, will you be a dear and bring me two Cokes, two dogs with everything… oh, and nachos?” She smiles and hands him cash. Normally, I’d fuss and not let her pay, but I don’t even have it in me. I still feel like I’m coming down off an adrenaline rush, and exhaustion is settling back in. Like I just got thrown off an emotional roller coaster and hit every bump on the way down.
“You got it. Be right back,” he calls over his shoulder, glancing at me and then down to the field where SJ stands.Great.Like I said, nosy town.
When he’s gone, Goldie leans over. “That handsome fella is Ty, and he works with your SJ at the shop.”
“He’s notmySJ,” I groan. “Don’t think this is over. You did me dirty.” I twist my braid nervously over my shoulder.
She pushes her glasses up on her face. “Just in case you’re wondering, he’s looked up here three more times since you both incinerated the stadium with those smoldering stares,” she shares with delight.
I groan again. “I wasn’t wondering.” But I was. I really was wondering. Why is he looking at me? What is he thinking?
I sneak a look back down at him and see him lean over to say something to a player, then clap him on the back as the player runs onto the field. On the back of his polo shirt, it says Coach Reid. And his butt in those jeans? Jesus. The years have been good to him. Too good.
No staring at his butt, Callie.
I will admit he does look good. Thirty looks good on him. He looks sexy and mysterious, but he’s a stranger to me now. A pang of sadness fills me at that thought. And that feels so wrong. We used to know everything about each other. Now? I’m just another woman in this crowded stadium to him. It’s like what we had never mattered.
A million questions burn through my head. When did he become a coach? What happened to him in the past twelve years? And most importantly, why did he just up and leave?
two
SJ
Now
“Coach,I don’t know if I can…”
“Tripp, youdoknow. Now get out there and run the ball just like we practiced. You’ve got this,” I clip, eyes locked on the young player in front of me. Tripp is one of our rising star players who has a lot of talent and a whole lot of self-doubt. He reminds me of myself at his age, and that’s why I’m tough on him. I know he has talent. I just need him to realize it.
“Yes, Coach.” He takes a fast swig of water and jogs back out onto the field.
We need this win. The team has been struggling with Coach Murphy’s retirement announcement, and the unknown of who will officially take his place weighs heavy on everyone’s minds. I want to build trust with the team and get the full-time coaching job I’ve been working toward. I’ve been a volunteer coach this season. I care about these kids and look forward to coaching them every single day.
I’m nervous because I don’t want to let these kids down. I work hard to keep my poker face in place so they don’t see me slip. It’s been over twelve years since I carried the ball down this same field. It’s not lost on me that for part of the past year, I was an absolute wreck when I got out of the Army. Now here I am trying to prove to myself, these kids, and the town that I can be their coach. I close my eyes as self-doubt tries to sneak in. Nope. Not thinking that way. Just like Tripp, self-doubt has no place here.
And who would have thought that I needed these kids just as much as they needed me? It has been good here, and I can’t mess it up.
The buzzer sounds, and they’re off to a great start. They’re good, and they have the potential to take state again. We’re going to work our butts off and make this happen.
