AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I pace the field and watch closely. I hear cheering and look up to see the stadium buzzing and full of excitement. It’s a mass of blue and white, face paint with the players’ numbers on their cheeks, and cheering. It feels good to be back here, yet it is strange to be here without her. Almost every memory I have here in Freedom Valley includes Callie in some way. She always cheered me on and waited for me after every game. I could always count on her to be there for me.
I used to look up at these same stands and look for her. She’d be wearing my number forty-four, smiling, and cheering me on with our friends. But she’s not mine anymore. I ruined that, and the damage is done.
As my eyes survey the crowd one more time, a nervous energy builds within me. It’s something I can’t shake loose, something not pertaining to the game. My gaze slows, narrowing on the seats and the people cheering and laughing. Hairs stand up on the back of my neck, a buzz filling my body before my eyes finally land on hers. An oasis of calm and stillness in a sea of noise and movement.No way. She’s here.I knew we’d run into each other eventually. It would be impossible not to run into her in our small town. I can’t look away. I can’t stop. It’s been twelve years and leaving her felt like torture. I never stopped missing her or thinking about her. Like a coward, I’m relieved she’s up there, and I’m down here so we don’t have to talk. Her eyes lock on me, and she looks as surprised as I am.
My breath catches in my chest. She’s even more beautiful now, and I never thought that possible. Her light blond hair is longer and pulled back in a long braid down her shoulder. Her wide, bright blue eyes are familiar and etched in anger and betrayal. I can feel it radiating down here onto the field. Callie and I used to always be in tune with each other. I could usually tell if she was upset and vice versa.
Some people would call us soulmates. And maybe we were, once. Just two lost and lonely kids constantly drawn to one another. Until I made damn sure neither of us believed in the idea anymore. But seeing her here? It’s like something has ignited in me, and my body is on fire. Adrenaline races through my veins, and I try to remain calm.
Panic engulfs me, and I look down and realize that I forgot how to breathe. I remind myself to breathe and count to ten. I look for something I can see and smell. I focus on the here and now, just like my therapist at the VA taught me. No panic attacks tonight. I’m trying to get this town to trust and respect me as a coach.I won’t fall apart again.
Honestly, I don’t remember much of the rest of the game. The kids played, and I stood on the sidelines, pretending to know what was happening on the field while avoiding a panic attack. I couldn’t stop looking up there. She sat with Goldie and kept her head down most of the game. But what’s with wearing my old shirt? Faded and worn, but still mine. I recognized it instantly. What is she doing? What does this mean? Did she come here to see me? I thought for sure she would never forgive me, but maybe I have a chance at even being friends with her again.
I take a deep breath and rub my chest with my knuckles. Ten, nine, eight, seven. . .
The final buzzer sounds, and we won. The Freedom Valley Eagles won their first game of the season. I pat the players on the back as they walk by. “Great game, guys!” I’m too out of it to even think about celebrating, but I’ll put on a congratulatory face for the team. A few players give me questioning looks as they walk by, so I desperately try to pull it together.
“Yoo-hoo, SJ, over here,” someone says over my shoulder, and I freeze at that familiar voice. I turn slowly, and there she is. Goldie. Growing up without grandparents or a mother, Mrs. Winters meant so much to me. Still does. I kept in touch with her, but I should have done a better job of it. My dad visited me over the eleven years I was gone, but I couldn’t bring myself to return to Freedom Valley after everything that happened. And over the past year, I did a lot of healing and soul-searching and kept to myself.
I close the space to the bleachers and pull her in for a big bear hug. I inhale as I hug her, and she still smells the same. She smells like home.
“I’ve missed you, sweet boy,” she murmurs into my chest. Heat fills my chest hearing this and fills me with a good feeling.
“I missed you too, Mrs. Winters.” I continue to hug her tight. Over the years, she’s written me countless letters and emails, filling me in on all the town’s happenings. That’s part of why I’ve felt like I didn’t miss out on as much when I came back. I read everything she sent to me. I treasured every email, note, care package, and the occasional phone call.
“Call me Goldie, honey,” she reminds me. “Why haven’t you come over to see me yet?” She pulls back and asks with a slight frown and tears in her eyes as she looks up at me.
“I’m sorry…” Regret fills me as she reaches to hold my arms, staring up at me with genuine happiness. Not the same reaction I got from Callie up in the stands. I look around, wondering where Callie went.
“Nonsense. I want to catch up with you soon. You come by and see me, you hear?” she says firmly, laying a reassuring hand on my cheek.
I look down, and my breath hitches. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed her. I regret not going to see her when I got back. But to be honest, I wasn’t fit to see anyone when I first came home. I have a lot of people to catch up with, including Callie, if that’s even an option.
“You’re doing such a good job with these boys,” she says, filling me with pride.
I nod and pull the bill of my cap lower. It feels good to hear this. I have been working hard with them, and I’m glad they’re off to a good start with their first win. Despite me almost losing my shit after seeing Callie for the first time tonight, I think we did great for the first game of the season with me as a first-time coach.
“I’m glad to see you’re doing better. I was worried about you.” She searches my eyes. Clearly, the rumors got around our small town. I hate that people knew my business and knew I struggled.
“I’m okay.” And I am. I’ve been working hard on myself. It’s been a hell of a year, but I’m not the same person I was when I first came home.
“Yes, you are.” She squeezes my forearm gently. “Also, you know you can’t hide from her forever.” With a wink, she disappears into the crowd, not waiting for a response.
I sigh. No, I can’t. I knew I’d see her eventually. I’ve wanted to see her more than anything. I’ve paid attention to what she’s been up to on her social media, but I needed to get myself healthy and squared away before I took on the mess I made. Ready or not, I’m here for it. It’s time to make things right.
* * *
The music is loud in the shop, and I don’t even realize my dad has joined me until he lowers the volume on the speaker. I look over at him and nod, and he sits on a stool and slides over near me. “Good first game last night.”
“Thanks,” I say as I pull off a tire, set it aside, and reach for the next one.
“Tell me, why are you working on a Saturday night?” He takes a pull on his beer. “You should be out having fun.”
“I like the quiet.” Mainly, I like not dealing with customers. I like to get lost in my work and not have to stop and deal with small talk and mindless chatter.
“I don’t mind you working at night as long as you’re not isolating like you were.” He leans back in his chair, his quiet tone letting me know he’s serious.
“I’m not,” I assure him. “Been handling my stuff.” I put the lug nuts on and tighten them, the noise radiating throughout the shop.
