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And now I was being robbed of a mother.
Yes, she was here.
In body.
But her mind wasn’t.
Most of the time, anyway.
Her eyes suddenly popped open, and I didn’t want to startle her. “Hi, Mom. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
She turned her head and—smiled. “Jillybean,” she said in a sleepy voice. Her arms shot up and I ran right into them. “Oh, sweetie,” she kissed the top of my head, “what’s wrong?”
My body shook with the power of a thousand tears.
Tears that I’d held onto for hours.
And now, I was going to breakdown.
In the safety of my mother’s arms.
“Jillian, honey. What’s the matter?” She moved over, and I sat in her bed with her.
I sniffled and wiped my eyes. “Can you die of a broken heart?” I asked as a new stream of tears started again. “Because it feels like I just might.”
And it did.
My broken heart ached.
Like someone had reached inside my chest with both hands and ripped it right in half.
“No, baby. It just feels like it.”
I shook my head and tried my best to control the sobs that wracked my body. “It hurts so much. I don’t think I can survive this.”
Her thin arms felt amazingly strong at that moment. And I was so, so grateful. “You’re going to be okay. I promise. Oh, Jillian. When did you grow up?” Her lips touched the side of my face, and I moved back a bit.
I watched her teary eyes scan over my face. “Jillian, my baby. You are so beautiful.”
My fingers touched her cheek. “Everyone says I look exactly like you.”
A huge smile crossed her face. “At least I gave you one good thing.” The smile on her lips dropped off, and it looked like she’d just realized something. “I’m so sorry.” She looked away for a few seconds, then back at me. “This is all so much for you. I’m too much. You shouldn’t have to deal with me. Not like this.”
I wrapped my arms around her now. “No, I love you, Mom. It’s okay.”
“I’m sorry, Jillybean,” she cried into my hair and held onto me.
Tight.
I squeezed her harder. “Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault.”
And then we cried.
And held each other.
And cried some more.
Until there were no more tears.
