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As Dad entered the room, I shuffled over so he could sit down. I studied him as he sank down beside me. The frown lines around his eyes let me know this conversation was going to suck, and I drew in a deep breath, readying myself to defend my feelings—again.
This was why I didn’t want to talk to anyone. Because I was already sick of having to explain something that people do every day. They meet someone, they like them, they date them. Obviously, Jason wasn’t your average boyfriend, but Ellie didn’t have to go through this much questioning.
“Your mum and I would like to talk to you,” Dad began. “I know you don’t want to. I know you’ve been through a lot over the last few days. But you’re our daughter, and we need to know what’s going on.”
“Dad. You know what’s going on. I haven’t left you out of anything. I’ve told you everything.”
“Then why do we still feel as if we’re in the dark?”
“I don’t know. I’ve been through every angle of this with everyone I’m close to, so I don’t know what you could be missing.”
I wasn’t trying to be difficult. I genuinely didn’t understand what they felt they didn’t know when I’d been open about it all. I hadn’t lied or hidden anything, even though I’d wanted to tell them to stop interfering and let me be.
“We’d like to know what your plans are,” Dad said.
“My plans?” I looked up at him, shaking my head. “I don’t understand.”
“Your plans when Jason gets back.” Still confused, I continued to stare at him. I thought I’d been clear. There were no plans. The plan was to take things a day at a time. “College, Lucy. Are you dropping out?”
I shuffled farther away from him, then raised my hands in a defensive gesture. “Where would you get an idea like that?”
“It’s a perfectly reasonable question. You’ve surprised us a lot already this summer. We’d like to limit any more shocks.”
The part of me that had remained in control the whole time I’d been questioned by everyone I loved exploded into a thousand pieces at his question. He wanted to treat me like a kid? How else was I supposed to react?
“Are you kidding me? I… I can’t…” He’d actually rendered me speechless. How could he have thought that, and how could he still be talking to me like I was five years old? “Dad, I have no intention of dropping out of college. I never had any intention of that.”
“So what will happen when Jason goes out on the road again? And when he’s out doing… whatever he does? How will that work with you in Sheffield?”
Well, this was a new level of insane. I’d told my parents Jason and I were taking things slowly, and Dad was asking me how the relationship was going to work? The relationship nobody wanted me to have. I felt like I was living in a parallel universe where the people who used to listen suddenly developed a hearing problem, and nothing I said reached their ears or brains.
“We’re not married, Dad. I don’t know anything yet. I don’t know if Jason and I will even work as a couple when we’re in the real world. I’m not planning to throw away my future for something I don’t understand yet. I can’t believe you think I’m that stupid.”
“I don’t think you’re stupid.”
I stood up and walked over to my window, staring out onto the street I’d grown up on. The street I played on with my friends. The street where I’d lived my whole life, where I’d developed feelings for the guy I wanted to be with more than anything. And I hated it. I wanted to be anywhere but there because all it did was remind me that while I was there, living under that roof, I’d always be a child.
“I’m sorry, Dad. I love you, but I need some space right now.”
Without another word, I sped out of my room, down the stairs, and out of the front door. I had no idea where I was going. I just needed some distance from my family home.
“Lucy!”
I halted at the end of my drive at yet another voice calling my name. I turned slightly to the right and saw Mr. Brooks in his doorway. He smiled kindly at me. “Lucy, please, could I talk to you for a minute? I won’t keep you for long.”
Mr. Brooks—Michael—was a lovely man. Quiet but kind. He looked a hell of a lot more understanding than my own father, and I smiled back at him. “Sure.”
I walked the rest of the way down my path, then turned onto his. Michael ushered me inside and closed the door behind him. The familiar scent of the Brooks’ household made me smile. It smelled like old man aftershave but also a little woodsy, homey. I’d never worked out what caused the wood smell, but the whole effect was comforting. More so than my own house.
Michael led me through to his living room and we sat down together on his sofa. I glanced around the room, smiling to myself at the photos on the walls. There never used to be many signs of Mrs. Brooks, but after Jason’s overdose, some things had been discussed, and Jason and Drew’s mother was no longer a topic that was brushed aside. There was a stunning photo of her with her boys on the mantelpiece above the fireplace, and every time I saw it, I felt the love radiating from their smiles and eyes.
“How are you?” Michael asked, bringing my focus back to him.
I shrugged. “I’m not sure. I don’t seem to know anything at the moment, and it’s really horrible.”
Michael nodded. “It’s hard to be dragged into the spotlight, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. Especially when it’s something that has been blown out of all proportion.”
