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“I spoke to Jason last night. I asked him to tell me what’s been going on. He’s very fond of you, Lucy.”
“I know. I feel the same.”
Michael smiled a little sadly, and I felt that ripple of dread again because I was sure he was about to echo everyone else.He’s too old for you. You’re too young to be attached to someone like Jason. You’ll get hurt.“I know you do. You know, my boys haven’t had a lot of luck with the press. In fact, when it comes to women and the press, they’ve had a very hard time. But Drew has been lucky with Ellie. She’s a good girl, and she’s good for Drew.”
Since Ellie wasn’t my favorite person at that moment, all I could do was nod. I agreed with him. Ellie and Drew were perfect for each other, but both of them had been a part of the pain I was in. I wasn’t ready to speak too favorably about them yet.
“I’ve seen you and Ellie as you’ve grown up, and I’m very proud of the women you’ve grown into, just as I know your parents are… mostly proud of my boys. Jason has been through a lot, and I understand why your mum and dad have been worried about you. Anyone would be in their position.”
“I understand too, but I wish they’d try to understand how I feel. I wish they’d understand that I haven’t just thrown myself into something I haven’t thought about. I’ve thought about nothing else.”
“I think they know, but you’re their little girl. I love my son, but Jason isn’t the most obvious choice for a suitable boyfriend.”
“We haven’t really got as far as putting labels on anything yet. We like each other. We’d like to spend more time together, and we’d like to see where things go. We can’t possibly be any more sensible than that. We’re not rushing into anything. We just want to see what happens.”
I sighed, then, out of nowhere, tears started to fall. I wasn’t even sure what prompted them, but suddenly they streamed down my face, and my insides began to ache. They ached for how lonely I’d become and how I was missing out on the summer I had dreamed of. Even if I might have been on the verge of something better, it felt like all my plans had been destroyed, and there was nobody I could turn to.
Michael wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and I folded into him, clinging onto him like a lifeline because, so far, he’d been the only person to hear me.
“Don’t cry, Lucy,” he said softly. “The reason I wanted to talk to you wasn’t to tell you to be careful or that you’ve made bad decisions. I wanted to thank you.”
My head lifted from his shoulder. “Thank me?”
He nodded. “Jason told me he’d been set up by a drug dealer when you were in Munich.”
“He told you?” He’d fought so hard against me telling Drew. I hadn’t expected him to tell his dad. Some of my ache eased because that was a sign of how different he was now. He would never have done that before. He wouldn’t have admitted to struggling.
“Yes. He told me you were there for him, and you didn’t put up with any of his crap. His words, not mine.”
I laughed. “I was actually terrified, but I just pushed it away because I wanted him to be okay. I didn’t think I did anything remarkable. I only did what anyone would do for someone they cared about.”
“It’s not easy to be that person. I’ve never been good at handling him when he’s like that.”
“But when you had to handle him, he was still using cocaine. It must have been harder then.”
“Yes. But even now, it’s hard to see him craving.”
“He’s tough. And I think his sponsor is really helpful too. Jason seemed much calmer after they’d spoken.”
“Alex has been a lifesaver. But… I think having you in his life will only help him. And that’s why I wanted to talk to you. I know it feels like the whole world is against you, but it’s not. You have a lot of support from the band’s fans and… you have my support too. I can’t get involved in whatever’s happening with your parents because we’ve been friends for a very long time, and that is important to me. But I’m on your side. So there are ten years between you and Jason? So what? It’s a number. If you and Jason are happy, who cares about age? The truth is, you have to grab every chance for happiness because there are never any guarantees. I miss my wife every single day, even after all these years, and when we were younger, we wasted a lot of time. If I’d known what would happen, I’d have stopped messing around and told her how I felt much sooner.”
I’d always been fond of Michael but never more so than at that moment. He was telling me what I already understood. That going after what you want is not a bad thing. And that trying to be happy is what’s important.
Maybe my age worked in my favor.
Maybe my naivety was the thing that actually made this work.
Being nineteen didn’t inhibit my ability to see how dangerous things could be if Jason fell back into drug use. I was young, not stupid. But I wasn’t looking at him as someone who was constantly on the brink of disaster. That was the Jason Ellie and Drew knew. The Jason I knew had come so much further than that, and I had to believe he’d keep pushing through it.
“Thank you,” I said. “Thank you for listening and understanding and for raising such an incredible man.”
“You’re welcome, Lucy. Hang in there, okay? It’ll all work out.”
* * *
For the rest of the day, I hung out alone in St. Ives. Well, as alone as a person could be on a warm, sunny June day in one of the UK’s tourist hotspots. It hadn’t quite reached peak season yet, but the town grew busier by the week as the summer holidays came closer. I didn’t mind all the people. Even though I was wary of the fact that I’d been in the papers the day before, for the most part, I got left alone when I was at home.
I knew the news had broken that I’d left the tour, but I doubted anyone was actually expecting me to be out and about so soon. Little did they know I’d rather have been hounded by the press than have to hide in my bedroom with no escape. I needed freedom after being cooped up in the tour bus and found it on Porthmeor Beach.
