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What a day.
Every part of it had been like a rollercoaster ride, my stomach leaping and dropping with each new twist.My head was still spinning.
Donovan had asked me if I could live in the moment with him.I’d always thought I was a live-in-the-moment kind of girl, but that wasn’t totally true.Yes, I liked to do things I enjoyed when I could.As often as I could.But that never stopped concerns creeping in.What if something happened to my job?To my parents.What if I was destined to grow old alone?Never bring someone new into my family and experience what life would be like with the right person?
What if I got hurt?
That was the loudest voice right then.I was in serious fucking trouble.
I wasn’t sure exactly how any of it had happened.One minute, he was some irritating man who was staying next door, the next he was someone I’d once been friends with.Someone I was now having fun with.
Someone I was so attracted to it scared the hell out of me.
I’d been okay with admitting he was attractive when I first saw him, but that was all I thought it would ever be; an appreciation of a handsome man.Now, though, however ill-advised, it was a struggle not to think about him.Not to touch him whenever he was close.When we’d first got into my car earlier, I’d still been a little on edge, but after talking to him, holding him on the clifftop, I knew the only thing I could do from now on was exactly what I’d agreed to.To take this thing a day at a time.
But can Ireallydo that?
I held onto my cup of tea tightly, staring at the steam rising from the surface as if it might somehow hold the answers.
With a sudden flash of inspiration, I reached over to the end of the sofa where I’d dumped my phone and picked it up, scrolling through my contacts until I reached Gaby’s number.I hit the button to call her, hoping she wasn’t busy, and she answered within two rings.
“Hey, Nova!Missing me already?”she teased.
“Always,” I told her, already brightened just from the sound of her voice.
She laughed.“What can I do for you, sweetheart?Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I just...I needed someone to talk to.About Donovan.”
“Ooh,” she squealed, and I could just picture her salivating at the idea of some gossip.“Did something happen?”
I gave her a brief rundown of the day’s events, and when I’d explained the basics of it all, I said, “The thing is, Gabs, I don’t know if I can just be casual with him.It’s not like I’m in love and can’t live without him.I definitely can’t marry him,” I mused, the thought hitting me out of nowhere.“His last name is Cain.”
There was a pause while Gaby realised what I meant, then she howled with laughter.“Nova Cain!Oh my God, you have to marry him!Then you can have a daughter, and you can call her Candy!”
Her cackling laughter had deviated me from the seriousness, and I started to laugh with her.“Fitting since every interaction we’ve ever had has been at Christmas.”
“See?It’s meant to be.”
“Piss off,” I said, even though I was still laughing.“I have an actual problem here.And not just a ridiculous-for-me surname.”
“I’m sorry.”She snorted once more, then said, “Okay.Go on.”
I inhaled deeply, trying to find the point I had been trying to make.“So, anyway...there’s just something about him that’s pulling me in.And I don’t know if I should get closer to him when it’s all going to end soon.”
“Who says?”she asked.
“Out loud, nobody.But him leaving is something we both know is going to happen.It lurks between us, and it did from the first time he kissed me.It was like we crossed the line and now we can’t go back.”
“Do you want to?If you could take back today, would you?”
The question required no thought.“Nope.But it doesn’t change how risky it is.”
“Okay, well let me ask you this.How do you feel when you’re with him?”
Blowing out a breath, I said, “Happy.Safe.Horny.”
Gaby laughed out loud.“Ah, the three perfect things to feel for a man.And I’m guessing you like those things.”
