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Now, none of it mattered.In five days, I would leave her behind, and I wouldn’t look back.
Couldn’tlook back.
Christmas was two days away, and...fuck.
Christmas.
Nan and I were supposed to be spending the day with Nova and her parents, but now...would that even be possible?We’d made plans to stay over, and her parents were expecting us.Somehow, I didn’t think I would be welcome anymore, and even if Nan was pissed off with me—which she would be when she found out what had happened—she wouldn’t let me spend Christmas alone.So I might have ruined her day too, at a time that would already be difficult enough.
If nothing else, I needed to make sure Nan had the best day she could, but to do that, I’d have to tell her I’d messed up.Even if I went back to Nova’s and apologised, it was too late.I’d destroyed what we had and there was no way to take it back.The best-case scenario was a day of awkward tension, the worst us screaming at each other and Nan and me having to leave early.
The only thing I knew for sure was that I wouldn’t let my selfishness ruin anything else.I needed to step up and do what I’d promised my grandad.
I had to be better and do everything I could to make Nan’s Christmas the best it could be now it would just be the two of us.
I’d only just shutNan’s front door behind me when she called out, “Get in here!”
Shit.Not even the wafting aroma of stew could comfort me when her tone was so sharp.
I walked down the hallway, sensing an impending bollocking, and when I reached the living room, I stood in the doorway, waiting.
Nan was sitting on the sofa, and she peered at me over the top of her glasses.“What’s going on?”
She didn’t look angry, but the way she’d called me in had made me think she’d spoken to Nova.Her question suggested otherwise.“What do you mean?”
“I saw you leave Nova’s house and drive away, and then shortly after, she came out looking upset and drove off too.She isn’t back yet, so I guessed you weren’t together somewhere, but you two had plans this afternoon.What did you do?”
The fact that it didn’t cross her mind that Nova might have been the one who had done something wrong didn’t surprise me.Nan adored her, and I might have been her grandson, but she knew full well if something had gone awry, I was most likely to be the problem.
As was my usual way, I clenched my jaw and attempted to remain stoic.“I’m leaving.”
Nan’s brows furrowed.“Leaving when?”
“On Friday.”
“Okay,” she said.“And how did that lead to you both storming off in separate cars?”
“Because yesterday I told her I didn’t know when I was leaving here, and today, she found out I was lying.”
Nan drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly.She didn’t speak, just surveyed me as I remained in the doorway, my body tense, waiting for what she was going to say next.The moment seemed to stretch on forever as her disappointment seeped into me.
“I never told her I would stay, Nan,” I said, unable to bear the silence any longer.
She shook her head.“That’s not what she’ll be upset about, and you know it.She thinks the world of you, and even though I know she wants you to stay, she would never ask you to.”
Clearly, Nan knew her a lot better than I did.Or maybe not.I always knew she would be angry about the lie, but to ease my conscience, I made it about her not wanting me to go instead of owning up to the fact that I wasn’t ready to lose her.
“I know,” I said quietly.
“How have you left things?”
“She asked me to leave her house, and I did.”
“That was it?”
Shrugging, I said, “I basically accused her of being clingy and said the reason we’re in this position is because she pushed to spend time with me.There was no other way to leave it after that.”
Saying it out loud, I wasn’t sure I’d ever been more ashamed of myself.It was such a dick move to blame her for all of this.To make her think I didn’t appreciate every second we spent together.I’d agreed to it.In doing so, I’d fallen for her so hard I was still bouncing.
